Communication Differences Between Genders-2019年文档

Communication Differences Between Genders

：Why is it that when a woman says one thing while her husband or boyfriend just hears something completely different？ This article attempts to analyze the reasons and psychological factors behind different communication patterns， thus helps different genders seek a better communication style and enhance mutual understanding.

Why is it that when a woman says one thing while her husband or boyfriend just hears something completely different？ That is a theme of conversation which can be frequently heard in the offices， restaurants， waiting rooms， parties or long checkout lines among colleagues，friends and even new acquaintances. Just as it is said by a sociologist Dane Archer，‘gender diff erences in communication are common. Once you start looking for them，you see them everywhere’ （McNulty， 2001）. Sometimes，men and women just communicate so differently that they feel at times like their patterns are from another planet. Understanding such differences between men and women may be of great help to eliminate the misunderstandings caused by the communication differences between the two genders.

Lillian Glass， a speech pathologist and Deborah Tannen， a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University in Washington， D. C.，have long been studying the intricacies of communication pattern in male and female. They have suggested that the differences in communication style between adult men and women are rooted in the fact that they have practically grown up in different cultures when it comes to communicating. （Glass， 1995 & Tannen，2001） Women generally tend to want connection with others，and to feel close through getting and giving confirmation，empathy and support. For women， an important part of life consists of an effort to develop and preserve intimacy. And conversation helps to achieve this goal. On the other side，men view the world in a hierarchical way such that， during any interaction， one person is in a superior position and the other in an inferior position. In a man’s world，conversations are negotiations in which people try to achieve and maintain the upper hand and prevent others from psychologically putting them down or pushing them around. In her book ‘You Just Don’t Understand： Women and Men in Conversation’， Tannen says，‘Intimacy is key in a world connection where individuals negotiate complex

networks of friendship， minimize differences， try to reach consensus， and avoid the appearance of superiority which highlights differences. In the world of status，independence is a key because a primary means of establishing status is to tell others what to do and taking orders is a marker of low status. Though all humans need both intimacy and independence， women tend to focus on the firs t and men on the second.’（Tannen， P43）Due to such reasons， women place a premium on being agreeable and congenial， thus they tend to be more complimentary and apologetic in their communications. They are much more mild and round about when expressing opinions. Also， women like to share their feelings. They are more sensitive and they attach great importance to inner feelings. As for men， they are more practical and value much about the facts. Men react much more personally to verbal rejection and have a tendency to resist doing what they’re told to do because they don’t want to feel dominated or in a ‘one-down’ position in their social interactions. In the daily life，there’re several different ways in which these differences may cause confusion， misunderstanding，tension or even conflict between men and women.

The first way lies in talking over problems. In this aspect， a man is less likely to tell a women about his difficulties， upset feelings or life problems out of the reason that he doesn’t want he r to worry about him or he doesn’t want to feel embarrassed or seem helpless in front of her. But for a woman， not being told about something like personal feelings or troubles may seem like a rejection from a partner for they value the intimacy in telling secrets and worries. Also， men will feel obligated to offer solutions when someone tells them about some problems， even though the person may just expect an empathetic ear from them. They seem to be more direct，demanding， forceful and loud in their communication in contrast to women， who are gentler， softer and more emotional in their communications. That’s why people frequently hear wives say，‘Why can’t my husband talk more， especially about his feelings？’ while husbands say，‘Why can’t my wife just giv e me the facts instead of going on and on.’ Also， wives may question，‘Why can’t my husband just listen when I tell him about a problem？He insists on giving me advice.’ Whereas husband asks，‘Why is my wife unhappy when I’m trying

to help her solve her problems？’

Second， how men and women express their needs is another one of the areas of communication that often causes trouble. For example， Tannen cites a typical situation in which a woman asks her husband if he would like to stop in somewhere for a dr ink. He honestly answers ‘No’， and nothing more was said for the moment. It eventually becomes evident that the wife was hurt and angered by his response. （Tannen， P95） Usually， men are more likely to start any sort of negotiation with a clear statement of where they stand， but understand that there will be further discussion. Women， on the other hand， are likely to accept any such statement as a clear indication of a man’s position and see it as immovable unless she presses the communication into some form of unpleasantness. Also，sometimes， when women are trying to focus on intimacy and connection by expressing needs， men tend to view such expression as a demand they must resist. Male socialization causes them to be cautious about one-down positions. So when a woman suggests to he male partner that she would like to know when he is going to be late because otherwise she feels upset， he may see it as a challenge to his freedom

and rebel against the suggestion. Third， talking and listening is another field in which misunderstandings develop between the two genders. In contrast to popular opinion， statistics show that men tend to talk more than women in public situations such as meetings and group discussions. They usually talk about politics， business，sports and food rather than people round them. At home，however， the talking roles seem reversed. Women see talking as a means to foster intimacy with their partners at home. But since men view talking as a way to negotiate statues， and therefore do not fill into the private home context as much as women do， they tend to perceive the communication as wallowing in complaints when women talk about their feelings and problems， and see that as a way to work on them.

Almost everyday， people have to communicate with the other gender， and there are more or less such misunderstandings caused by communication differences existing in the communication between adult men and women. However， when communication behavior frustrates a partner of the other sex，‘it may represe nt a normal expression of gender rather than some individual failing’（Glass，

1995， P136）. Therefore， understanding the communication differences between the two genders， rather than becoming lost to disappointment， is the first step toward changing the behavior or learning how to live with some of the differences. In conversation， the key to avoid misinterpreting statements and seeking better understanding is for both genders to stand in the other’s shoes，to realize that one’s partner is most likely to hav e a different conversational style than one’s own， and to think about how a message could be heard differently than was intended. Only through such a way can we eliminate the ‘gender filter’ through which we listen to the opposite sex and misunderstand them. Above all， a willingness to listen with compassion and without defensiveness can make all the differences in the world.

Reference：

[1]Glass，Lillian.He Says， She Says， Closing the Communication Gap Between the Sexes[J]. New York： Putnam Publishing Group， 1993.

[2]McNulty， Jennifer.New Video Spotlights Gender Differences in Communication[EB/OL] （WWW document） URL，2001.

http：//https://www.wendangku.net/doc/193845269.html,/currents/01-02/11-19/gender.html

[3]Tannen，Deborah. You Just Don’t Understand： Women and Men in Conversation[J]. Quill，2001.