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写作不再愁之造句

写作不再愁之造句
写作不再愁之造句

写作不再愁之造句

优美生动的句子能为文章增色不少。可不少同学到了高年级,写的作文还被老师批评“句子不通顺、意思不明确。”明明造句都不犯错,怎么一到作文中就出问题了?

我们来看看小学生作文中句子的演变:

(低年级)秋天的景色真美丽。

(中年级)秋天来了,秋风吹来,菊花露出笑脸。

(高年级)秋天轻轻走来,菊花露出可爱的笑脸,落叶铺成厚厚的地毯,金灿灿的稻谷堆成一座山。低年级同学造句,平平稳稳,句子通顺。

中年级同学写句子,能够用上修辞手法了。

高年级的同学不仅能够运用各种修辞手法,还能自如把句子拉长缩短。

可有同学写着写着,总写出这类句子

“杨柳刚刚绽放出新芽的嫩绿的枝条在平静如水的湖面荡来荡去。”

“一个个胖乎乎、圆滚滚、外形像个皮球、表面捏了花纹的包子出笼了!”

“在春天明媚灿烂暖洋洋的阳光下,我们来到绿草如茵鲜花盛开的广场花园。”

很多同学以为优美生动的句子就是堆砌华丽辞藻,越长越好。以上句子是挺长的,华丽丽的形容词也很多,就是得憋着气一口气读完,让老师喘不过气来。

还有这类句子:

“我看到天上有一片白色的云,又看到树上小鸟在唱歌,还看到墙外的花开得很茂盛。”

“我吃了一口鸡腿,吃了一口汤,又吃了一口饭。”

“我把这一团面团弄起来,弄成一个小团,再放到锅里蒸。”

写好句子是作文的基本功之一。在这里,老师带领同学们玩玩句子的游戏:

一、跟着古文学句子

古文里的句子,特别有趣,看,这些短句子里的秋天,就像一幅幅明亮的画。

晨露秋日晨,至园中,见草上,有露点,如珍珠。

落日浮云散,落日红。霞光满天,凉风徐来,蝉鸣树间。

秋虫明月将出,虫声四起,时高时低,时近时远,其声不一。

梧桐梧桐两株,枝高叶大。霜降后,叶渐黄。西风吹来,落叶满阶。

秋天秋风起,天气凉。秋雨淡淡雁成行。棉田白,稻田香,家家农人去来忙。红叶村,芦花港,处处听得秋虫响。

同学们,你们看到这些句子有什么特点吗?长句子由数个短句构成,短句只有三四个字,有的句子还押韵。最重要的是,这些很短很短的句子,涵盖了很多很多内容。那是因为我们的汉字,每个字就有一个意思,它们组合在一起,就能表达出很多内容。

春花开,鸟影远,风轻云卷水潺潺。

暮色浓,月光淡,田间树丛虫声欢。

桂花黄,月饼香,风起添衣裳。

抬头望,明月光,玉兔捣药忙。

风乍起,________________。

……

跟着古文学句子,保证你能写出诗意盎然的句子来。试一试吧!

二、把句子拉长再拉长

看,这是班上一位同学小豆豆写的句子。

“晚餐真让人垂涎三尺!妈妈的手艺太棒了。我最喜欢吃妈妈做的炒土豆丝。太好吃了!”

老师:“完了?”

小豆豆:“完了。”

如果是低年级小朋友写的一段话,还是不错的。可小豆豆已经六年级了。这样一段话,可相当不具体。小豆豆啃着笔杆不知道如何下笔了。

看,这样把句子拉长再拉长:

原句:“晚餐真让人垂涎三尺。妈妈的手艺太棒了。”得用食物的色香味和“我”的馋样子来表现“垂涎三尺”。

1、妈妈做了哪些菜?把菜名报上来。用一个比喻的修辞手法来写“我”的馋样子。

2、炒土豆丝是什么颜色?除了土豆丝,还有什么配菜?

3、“我”的吃相是怎样的?夹土豆丝是夹一小撮还是一大筷子?怎么送进嘴的?再用一个夸张的修辞手法来描写我的吃相

最后一句大白话“太好吃了!”删除,因为你吃相已经告诉大家“太好吃了”。

这样的指导方法,叫坡度训练。如果没有提示,小豆豆很难把句子拉长成一段具体的话。加上提示,就像上坡给搭了一个个梯子,走起来就轻松顺当了。

小豆豆改过之后:

“晚餐真让人垂涎三尺。妈妈的手艺太棒了。鱼香茄子、炒土豆丝、糖醋鲫鱼,全是我喜欢的。我像只蹲守在小鱼身边的馋猫一样,盯着土豆丝,口水快滴到桌子上了。

土豆丝金灿灿的,配着几根红红的辣椒丝、油汪汪的蒜瓣,让人更觉得饿了。

妈妈说:‘开饭了!’我迫不及待地夹起一大夹土豆丝,迅速送到嘴里。我差点把自己的舌头也一起嚼了。大家都笑话我:‘小豆豆,你是不是饿了三天三夜?’”

三、把句子写简短

小朋友是不是很奇怪:“刚才你还在指导小豆豆把句子拉长再拉长,这会儿怎么又叫我们把句子写简短呢?”把句子拉长,是指把一两句干巴巴的话写成一段具体的话。

把句子写简短,是指把一个长句子写成几个短句。我们学过一篇课文,萧红写的,叫《祖父的园子》,其中有很多简单优美的句子:

“花园里边明晃晃的,红的红,绿的绿,新鲜漂亮。

来了风,榆树先呼叫,来了雨,榆树先冒烟。

祖父栽花,我就栽花,祖父拔草,我就拔草。

花开了,就像睡醒了似的。鸟飞了,就像在天上逛似的。虫子叫了,就像虫子在说话似的。一切都活了,要做什么,就做什么。要怎么样,就怎么样,都是自由的。倭瓜愿意爬上架就爬上架,愿意爬上房就爬上房。黄瓜愿意开一朵花,就开一朵花,愿意结一个瓜,就结一个瓜。”

大家看到了吗?萧红写的句子,很多短句,读起来朗朗上口。

写句子,长句子中多短句,每个短句不超过十个字,这样句子就简洁,节奏感也出来了。

原句:

“杨柳刚刚绽放出新芽的嫩绿的枝条在平静如水的湖面荡来荡去。”

“一个个胖乎乎、圆滚滚、外形像个小皮球、表面捏了花纹的包子出笼了!”

“在春天明媚灿烂暖洋洋的阳光下,我们来到绿草如茵鲜花盛开的广场花园。”

这些长句子,写成几个短句,一下子就变得可爱了。

改后:

“杨柳刚刚绽放出新芽,嫩嫩绿绿的,湖面平静如水,枝条荡来荡去。”

“包子出笼了!胖乎乎的,圆滚滚的,像一个个小皮球,表面还有花纹呢!”

“春天,阳光暖洋洋,我们来到广场花园。这里绿草如茵,鲜花盛开。”

你还在等什么呢?快快翻出作文本,改一改吧!

四、动词不重复

好多同学写一句话,翻来覆去就那么几个动词。看一篇文章写得好不好,动词是关键。

小学生作文常用的动词有:看、吃、说、笑、哭、走、跑、跳……

教你一招:“看”不用“看”,换成其他表示“看”的动词。“吃”不用“吃”,换成其他表示“吃”的动词。同样推理下去,“说”不用说,换成其他表示“说”的动词……(这里太赞了!)

常用动词是“粗略动词”,完全可以分解成各种“精细动作”:

比如“看”,可以分解成瞟、瞄、盯、瞪、瞥、窥、望,凝视、注视、环顾、仰望、张望、凝望、远眺、俯视、偷窥,东张西望、左盼右顾、目不转睛……

把“精细动作”用到句子中,句子不就生动了?

今天和大家一起学习了长长短短的句子,把以上四点用在平时的作文中,文章就出彩了!

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