American Ways

American Ways

A Guide for Foreigners in the United States

BY GARY ALTHEN

with Amanda R. Doran and Susan J. Szmania

Table of Contents page

Introduction 1

On Understanding 1

How Much Generalizing Is Acceptable? 2

On Asking ―Why?‖ 3

How Americans See Themselves 4

How Americans See Foreigners 4

On Describing Americans 5

Part I General Ideas about American Culture

Chapter 1: American Values and Assumptions (6)

Individualism, Freedom, C ompetitiveness, and Privacy (7)

Equality (9)

Informality (10)

The Future, Change, and Progress (11)

Goodness of Humanity (12)

Time (13)

Achievement, Action, Work, and Materialism (14)

Directness and Assertiveness (14)

Chapter 2: The Communicative Style of Americans (16)

Preferred Discussion Topics (16)

Favorite Forms of Interaction (17)

Depth of Involvement Sought (18)

Channels Preferred (19)

Level of Meaning Emphasized (23)

Chapter 3: Ways of Reasoning (23)

The Context (24)

The Point (25)

The Organization (25)

The Evidence (25)

The Cause (27)

Chapter 4: Differences in Customs (28)

Part II Specific Aspects of American Life (30)

Chapter 5: Politics (30)

The Rule of Law (31)

The Ideal of Compromise (32)

Politics Apart (32)

Chapter 6: Family Life (33)

What Foreigners Notice (33)

The Changing Family (33)

Raising Children (34)

Chapter 7: Education (37)

Guiding Ideals (38)

Social Forces Affecting American Education (40)

Chapter 8: Religion (43)

The General Context (43)

Religion and Individual Americans (45)

Exceptions (45)

Chapter 9: The Media (46)

What Is American about the American Media? (46)

Americans‘ Views of Their Media (47)

Misconceptions the Media Promote (48)

Chapter 10: Social Relationships (49)

Meeting New People (50)

The American Concept of Friendship (50)

Relationships Prescribed by Roles (51)

Courtesy, Schedules, Gifts (52)

Chapter 11: Racial and Ethnic Diversity (53)

What Foreign Visitors See (54)

How Americans View Race and Ethnic Relations (56)

Austin, Texas: A Case Study (57)

Chapter 12: Male-Female Relationships (58)

Influences on Male-Female Relationships (58)

Male-Female Relationships in Various Settings (60)

Chapter 13: Sports and Recreation (63)

Sports (63)

Recreation (64)

Chapter 14: Driving (65)

General Information (65)

Traffic Laws (66)

Attitudes about Driving ........................................................... .66

Chapter 15: Shopping (67)

Advertising (68)

Pricing (68)

Customer-Clerk Relationships (68)

Sales Tactics (69)

Procedures for Returning and Exchanging (69)

Private Sales (69)

Chapter 16: Personal Hygiene (70)

The Basics (71)

Variations (72)

Other Issues Concerning Hygiene (72)

Chapter 17: Getting Things Done in Organizations.... (72)

Misconceptions (73)

Characteristics of U.S. Organizations (73)

Suggestions for Deali ng with U.S. Organizations ... .. (74)

Chapter 18: Behavior in Public Places (75)

Rules for Behavior in Public Places (75)

Communication Behaviors (76)

Chapter 19: Studying (76)

Assumptions Underlying the Higher Education System (77)

Student-Student Relationships (77)

Student-Professor Relationships (78)

Roommate Relationships (79)

Plagiarism (80)

???

Introduction

Most Americans see themselves as open, frank, and fairly friendly. If you ask them a question, they will answer it. They have nothing to hide. They cannot understand why people from other countries should have any difficulty understanding them. Unless, of course, there are language

problems.

But most foreigners do have trouble understanding Americans. Even if they have a good command of English, most foreigners have at least some difficulty understanding

what the Americans they encounter are thinking and feeling. What ideas and attitudes underlie their actions? What motivates them? What makes them talk and act the way they do? This book addresses those questions. The book is intended to help foreign visitors—both those staying for a long time and those here for short visits—understand the natives.

On Understanding

This book is not intended to encourage foreigners to like Americans or want to imitate them. Some visitors from abroad will have positive feelings toward most of the Americans they meet. Others will not. Some will want to remain for a long time in the United States, others will want to go back home as soon as possible. People in both these groups, however, will be more likely to benefit from their stays in the States if they understand the natives. Understand here means having a reasonably accurate set of ideas for interpreting the behavior they see.

Let‘s look at an example, one that causes many foreigners to have negative feelings toward Americans.

Tariq Nassar is Egyptian. In his society, people place a high premium on family loyalty. Obligations to parents and siblings are an important part of daily life. Tariq has come to the United States to earn a master‘s degree in civil engineering. Through the U.S. university he is attending, he has a ―host family,‖ a local family that periodically invites him to their home for dinner or some other activity. The family‘s name is Wilson. Mr. Wilson is a middle-aged engineer. His wife works half-time in a lawyer‘s office. Their two children, a daughter who is twenty-two and a son who is nineteen, are both university students, and one of them is attending a university in a distant state.

Mr. Wilson‘s father died two years ago. His mother, Tariq learns, lives in a nursing home. One Sunday after having dinner with the Wilsons, Tariq goes with them to visit Mr. Wilson‘s mother. The nursing home is full of frail, elderly people, most of whom are sitting silently in lounge areas or lying in their rooms. A few are playing cards or dominoes in the ―game room‖ or are watching television.Mr. Wilson‘s mother is obviously old, but she can move around reasonably well and can carry on a normal conversation with anyone who talks a bit louder than usual. Mr. Wilson says he visits his mother once a week if at all possible. Sometimes he has to go out of town, so two weeks will pass between visits. His wife sometimes goes along on these visits; the children rarely do, since one lives far away and the other is usually busy studying.

Tariq is horrified. How can Mr. Wilson, who otherwise seems like a pleasant and generous person, stand to have his mother living in such a place? Why doesn‘t she live with Mr. Wilson?

How can Tariq interpret Mr. Wilson‘s behavior? There are several possibilities: Mr. Wilson is a selfish, irresponsible person who does not understand the obligations children have toward their parents; or Mr. Wilson‘s mother has some medical or psychological problem that is not evident to him and that requires special care she could not get in M r. Wilson‘s home; or Mr. Wilson‘s wife is a domineering woman who, for selfish reasons, refuses to have her husband‘s mother living in her house.

Any of these interpretations might be correct, but there are others that are more likely to explain the situation Tariq has seen. If Tariq understood the way in which Americans are trained to behave as independent, self-reliant individuals, he would be more likely to understand why Mr. Wilson‘s mother was in the nursing home. He might realize that the mother may actually prefer to be in the nursing home rather than ―be a burden‖ to her son and his family. Tariq might understand, at least to some degree, the concern for privacy that leads Americans to keep to themselves in ways people in his own country would rarely do.

-1-

If Tariq misinterpreted this situation, he might well become unfriendly and even hostile to Mr. Wilson and his wife. His host family relationship would end. He would then lose a good opportunity to socialize, to meet Americans in age groups other than that of his fellow students, and to learn from Mr. Wilson about the engineering profession as it is practiced in the United States.

If, on the other hand, Tariq understood the factors underlying the nursing home situation in the same way the Wilsons probably do, he might go on to develop a closer and more rewarding relationship with the Wilson family.

So, understanding Americans can be beneficial. Misunderstanding them can eliminate opportunities and produce negative feelings that are unwarranted. This book can help foreign visitors understand Americans and thereby better achieve their own goals while in the United States.

How Much Generalizing Is Acceptable?

Who are these Americans? The United States of America covers a land area of 3,618,770 square miles

(9,408,802 sq. km.) and is inhabited by some 281,000,000 individuals. According to the 2000 U.S. Census, population density ranges from 1,134 people per square mile (2,564 per sq. km.) in the state of New Jersey to 1 per square mile (1.82 per sq. km.) in the state of Alaska. There are deserts, plains, marshlands,

tundra, forests, and snow-covered mountains.

America‘s population reflects remarkable ethnic diversity. While the majority of Americans are non-Hispanic white, 12.5 percent of the population is Hispanic, 12 percent of the population is African American, about 4 percent is Asian, and about 1 percent is Native American. In the year 2000, there were 28.4 million foreign-born residents in the United States, representing 10 percent of the total U.S. population. Terms such as Asian American, Italian American, and Arab American are commonly used and reflect the persistence of various ethnic heritages within the U.S. There are people whose skin is labeled white, black,

brown, yellow, and red.

Am erica‘s population includes Catholics, Protestants of many denominations, Jews of several persuasions, Muslims, Buddhists, animists, and others. Some people believe in no supreme being or higher power. There are people who have many years of formal education and people who have nearly none. There are the very rich as well as the very poor. There are Republicans, Democrats, independents, socialists, Communists, libertarians, and adherents of other political views as well. There are lawyers, farmers, plumbers, teachers, social workers, immigration officers, computer technicians, and people in thousands of other occupations. Some live in urban areas, some in rural locations. Given all this diversity, can one meaningfully talk about Americans? Probably so, if one is careful. Consider it this way:

?In some ways all people are alike.

?In some ways every person is unique.

?In some ways groups of people resemble each other.

In some ways, all people are alike. Anatomists and physiologists study ways in which the structure and functions of the human body operate, regardless of race, religion, income, or political opinion. A human pancreatic gland knows no political persuasion.

On the other hand, there are ways in which each person is unique. Psychologists study the manner in which each person‘s characteristics and experiences give rise to his or her particular attitudes and behavior.

In still other ways, groups of people resemble each other. One can find common characteristics among such groups as physicists, mothers, Olympic athletes, and farm laborers. One can also find common characteristics among nationality groups—Americans, Nigerians, Irish, Egyptians, and so on. Members of these nationality groups share certain common experiences that result in similarities among them—even if, like many Americans, they do not recognize those similarities themselves. Americans might all seem different from each other until you compare them as a group with the Japanese, for example. Then it becomes clear that certain attitudes and behaviors are much more characteristic of the Americans and others are far

more typical of the Japanese.

The predominant ideas, values, and behaviors of ―mainstream‖ America ns are those of the white middle class. People in that category have long held the large majority of the country‘s most influential positions.

They have been the political and business leaders, the university presidents, scientists, journalists, and novelists who have successfully exerted influence on the society. American culture as talked about in this book, then, has been strongly influenced by white middle-class males.

Obviously, not all Americans are white and middle class. The portion of the population that is non white is growing, and that growth has had some effects on the general culture. Nevertheless, society‘s main ideals have been forged by that middle-class white group. Members of other groups usually (not always) agree with those ideals, at least on some level. Foreign visitors can find Americans who actively oppose the ideas that generally define American culture.

Foreign visitors will find many variations on the ―American culture‖ portrayed in this book. There are, as has already been suggested, regional, ethnic, family, and individual differences. Southerners (which really means people from the southeastern states, except Florida, which is home to many transplants from northern states and from Cuba) are known for their hospitality, relatively slow pace of life, and respect for tradition. New Englanders are often regarded by Americans from elsewhere as being relatively quiet and inexpressive. Texans are deemed more forceful and openly self-confident than their relatively self-effacing compatriots from the Midwest.

Variations related to ethnic background are also noticeable. Chinese Americans seem to place a higher value on education than do Americans in general. African Americans, at least those who live in mainly black communities, tend to be more verbally and physically expressive than do white Americans. So do Italian Americans.

Growing up in ethnically and culturally different situations, Americans learn the attitudes and behaviors of their families. Families may vary in the way they respond to disagreement or conflict, the degree to which they share their thoughts and feelings, and their level of comfort with being touched by other people. (―I grew up in a family where people didn‘t touch each other much,‖ you may hear an American explain.)

And, of course, there are individual differences. Some people are more outgoing than others or more aggressive, more adventurous, more contemplative, or more focused on their own inner feelings.

Generalizations such as the ones in this book are subject to exception and refinement. Readers ought not to believe that having read the book, they will understand all Americans. They will not. At best, they will begin to understand some aspects of some Americans‘ behavior. Readers are advised after reading this book to observe Americans with their minds still open to new observations and new interpretations.

On Asking “Why?”

This is not a philosophical or political book. It is intended to be a practical guide for understanding. It barely concerns itself with the question of why Americans act as they do. There is a great temptation among people who encounter cultural differences to ask why those differences exist. ―Why do they talk so loud?‖ ―Why do they love their dogs more than their children?‖ ―Why are they so hard to get to know?‖ ―Why do they smile and act so friendly when they can‘t even remember my name?‖ And countless other such questions, most of them ultimately unanswerable. The fact is that people do what they do. The ―whys‖—the reasons—are probably not determinable. The general characteristics of American culture have been ascribed by various observers to such factors as its temperate climate; its nineteenth-century history as a large country with an open frontier to the west; its citizens‘ origins among dissenters and the lower classes in Europe; its high level of technological development; the influence of Christianity; the declining influence of Christianity; its capitalist economic system; and ―God‘s benevolent attention.‖

No one can say which of the many explanations of American cultural patterns is right. One commentator said that the only answer to ―why‖ questions about cultural differences is ―Because…―. For example, why are Americans so practical? Because their educational system emphasizes practice more than theory. Why does their educational system emphasize practice over theory? Because Americans tend to believe that theory is less important than what really works. Why do Americans tend to believe that theory is less important than what really works?

Because…. Because…. Because.

where theory is considered more important than practice!), it is not necessary in daily dealings with Americans to understand why they act as they do. This book, therefore, does not examine that topic in depth.

The assumption underlying this book‘s discussion of American and other cultures is that, as one well-known student of cross-cultural matters put it, ―People act the way they were taught to act, and they all have different t eachers.‖ There are reasons for the way people behave,even if we can‘t be certain what those reasons are. People who have grown up in the United States have been taught, or trained, to act in certain ways and not in others. They share a culture. We will begin exploring that culture after a few words about Americans‘ conceptions of themselves and their attitudes toward foreigners.

How Americans See Themselves

It is usually helpful, when trying to understand others, to understand how we see ourselves. A few comments about Americans‘ self-perceptions appear here; others come later.

Americans do not usually see themselves, when they are in the United States, as representatives of their country, even though they are quite patriotic at times. For a period following the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, Americans displayed considerable emotional attachment to their country. But that began to fade after several months. Usually, Americans see themselves as individuals (we will stress this point later) who are different from all other individuals, American or foreign. Americans often say they have no culture, since they often conceive of culture as an overlay of arbitrary customs to be found only in other countries. Individual Americans may think they chose their own values rather than having had their values and the assumptions on which they are based imposed on them by the society in which they were born. If asked to say something about American culture, they may be unable to answer and they may even deny that there is an American culture and become annoyed at being asked such a question. ―We‘re all individuals,‖ they will say.

Because they think they are responsible as individuals for having chosen their basic values and their way of life, many Americans resent generalizations others make about them. Generalizations such as the ones in this book may disturb them. They may be offended by the notion that they hold certain ideas and behave in certain ways simply because they were born and raised in the United States and not because they had consciously thought about those ideas and behaviors and chosen the ones they preferred.

At the same time, Americans will readily generalize about various subgroups within their own country. Northerners have stereotypes (that is, over-generalized, simplified notions) about Southerners, and vice versa. There are stereotypes of people from the country and people from the city, people from the coasts and people from inland, people from the Midwest, minority ethnic groups, minority religious groups, Texans, New Yorkers, Californians, Iowans, and so on. We have already commented on a few of these differences and will cover more later. The point here is to realize that Americans acknowledge few generalizations that can safely be made about them, in part because they are so individualistic and in part because they think regional and other kinds of differences completely distinguish Americans of various groups from each other.

How Americans See Foreigners

Like people everywhere else, Americans, as they grow up, are taught certain attitudes toward other countries and the people who live in them. Parents, teachers, schoolbooks, and the media are principal sources of information and attitudes about foreigners and foreign countries.

Americans generally believe that theirs is a superior country, probably the greatest country in the world. It is economically and militarily powerful; its influence extends to all parts of the globe. Americans generally believe their democratic political system is the best possible one, since it gives all citizens the right and opportunity to try to influence government policy and since it protects citizens from arbitrary government actions. They also believe the system is superior because it gives them the freedom to complain about anything they consider wrong with it. Americans generally believe their country‘s free-market economic system has enabled them to enjoy one of the highest standards of living in the history of the world.

Travel writer Bill Bryson puts the point this way:

When you grow up in America you are inculcated from the earliest age with the belief—no, the

understanding—that America is the richest and most powerful nation on earth because God likes

us best. It has the most perfect form of government, the most exciting sporting events, the tastiest

food and amplest portions, the largest cars, most productive farms, the most devastating nuclear

arsenal and the friendliest, most decent and most patriotic folks on earth. Countries just don’t

come any better. (1989, 270–71)

If Americans consider their country to be superior, then it cannot be surprising that they often consider other countries to be inferior. The people in those other countries are assumed to be not quite as intelligent or hardworking or sensible as Americans are. Political systems in other countries are often assumed to be inadequately responsive to the public and excessively tolerant of corruption and abuse; other economic systems are regarded as less efficient than that of the United States. Foreigners (with the exception of Canadians and Northern Europeans, who are generally viewed with respect) tend to be perceived as underdeveloped Americans, prevented by their ―primitive‖ or inefficient economic and social systems and by their quaint cultural customs from achieving what they could if they were Americans. Americans tend to suppose that people born in other countries are less fortunate than they are and that most foreigners would prefer to live in the U.S. The fact that millions of foreigners do seek to enter or remain in the U.S. illegally every year supports this view. (The fact that billions of foreigners do not seek entry is ignored or discounted.) Foreign visitors often find that Americans in general are condescending to them, treating them a bit (or very much) like children who have limited experience and perhaps limited intelligence. Foreign visitors are well advised to remember that it is not malice or intentional ignorance that leads so many Americans to treat them like inferior beings. The Americans are, once again, acting the way they have been taught to act. They have been taught that they are superior, and they have learned the lesson well.

There are obviously many exceptions to the preceding generalizations. The main exceptions are those Americans who have lived or at least traveled extensively in other countries and those who have in some other way had extensive experience with people from abroad. Many Americans will also make an exception for a foreigner who has demonstrated some skill, personality trait, or intellectual capability that commands respect. British writers, German scientists, Korean martial arts specialists, and

Kenyan runners, among others, readily have many Americans‘ respect.

On Describing Americans

If you ask a Turk (for example) who is visiting the United States whether the Americans she has met think and act the way Turks normally do, she‘ll probably say, without any hesitation, ―No!‖ If you then ask her to explain how the Americans differ from the Turks, she will probably hesitate and then offer something along the lines of ―Well,that‘s hard to say.‖

It is indeed difficult to explain how one cultural group differs from another. Anthropologists, psychologists, sociologists, journalists, communication experts, and others have tried various approaches to explaining the distinctive features of different cultures. There is no single best way to proceed.

Our approach to helping foreign visitors understand Americans is divided into three parts. Part I presents some general ideas (theory) about cultural differences and American culture as it compares with others. Part II gives information about specific aspects of American life, including friendships, social relationships, politics, religion, the media, and others. Part III brings the book to its conclusion by offering guidelines for responding constructively to cultural differences.

Part I

General Ideas about American Culture

How does American culture differ from others? There are several ways to address that question. The first way we will use, in chapter 1, is to consider the values and assumptions that Americans live by. The second is to examine their ―communicative style‖; that we do in chapter 2. Chapter 3 is about how Americans reason and think about things. Chapter 4, the last in Part I, addresses American customs.

Chapter 1

???

American Values and Assumptions

As people grow up, they learn certain values and assumptions from their parents and other relatives, their teachers, books, newspapers, television programs, the Internet, and a variety of other sources. Values and assumptions are closely related, but there are some differences between them. The ways in which different cultures approach the issue of appropriate roles for men and women provide a good example of the relationship between values and assumptions. Values are ideas about what is right and wrong, desirable and undesirable, normal and abnormal, proper and improper. In some cultures, for example, people are taught that men and women should inhabit separate social worlds, with some activities clearly in the men‘s domain and others clearly in the women‘s. In other cultures men and women are considered to have more or less equal access to most roles in the society.

Assumptions, as used here, are the postulates, the unquestioned givens, about people, life, and the way things are. People in some societies assume, for example, that family life proceeds most harmoniously when women stay at home with their children and men earn money by working outside the home. In other societies people assume that family life works best when outside work and childrearing responsibilities are shared by men and women. In some societies people assume that when a mature man and woman are alone together, sexual activity will almost certainly occur. In others, platonic (that is, lacking a sexual element) friendship between unmarried men and women is assumed to be possible.

Scholars debate the definition of values, assumptions, and other terms that appear in this book. But this book is not for scholars. It is for international visitors who want some basic understanding of America. Those visitors who want to read more scholarly works on the issues raised here can refer to the Bibliography at the end of this book.

People who grow up in a particular culture share certain values and assumptions. That does not mean they all share exactly the same values to exactly the same extent. It does mean that most of them, most of the time, agree with each other‘s i deas about what is right and wrong, desirable and undesirable, and so on. They also agree, mostly, with each other‘s assumptions about human nature, social relationships, and so on.

Any list of values and assumptions is inherently arbitrary. Depending on how one defines and categorizes things, one could make a three-item or a thirty-item list of a country‘s major values and assumptions. The list offered below has eight entries, each covering a set of closely related values and assumptions commonly held by Americans:

1. individualism, freedom, competitiveness, and privacy;

2. equality;

3. informality;

4. the future, change, and progress;

5. goodness of humanity;

6. time;

7. achievement, action, work and materialism;

8. and directness and assertiveness.

Because individualism is so vital to understanding American society and culture, it receives more attention than the others.

Notice that the values and assumptions discussed below overlap with and support each other. In general, they agree with each other. They fit together. A culture can be viewed as a collection of values and assumptions that go together to shape the way a group of people perceives and relates to the world around them.

-6-

Individualism, Freedom, Competitiveness, and Privacy

Individualism

The most important thing to understand about Americans is probably their devotion to individualism. They are trained from very early in their lives to consider themselves as separate individuals who are responsible for their own situations in life and their own destinies. They are not trained to see themselves as members of a close-knit, interdependent family, religious group, tribe, nation, or any other collectivity.

You can see it in the way Americans treat their children. One day I was at a local shopping mall, waiting in line to buy an Orange Julius. (An Orange Julius is a cool drink made in a blender with orange juice, ice, and some other ingredients.) Behind me in the line was a woman with two children, a boy who was about three years old and a girl who was about five. The boy had his hand in a pocket of his blue jeans, and I could hear that he had some coins in there.

The boy asked his mother, ―Can I get an Orange Julius?‖

―No,‖ she said to him. ―You don‘t have enough money left for an Orange Julius. Remember you bought that cookie a while ago. You do have enough money for a hot dog. So you could get a hot dog now if you want to. Or, you could save your money, and sometime later when you have enough money, we could come back here and you could get an Orange Julius.‖

When I tell this story to people from other countries, they usually react with disbelief. The idea that a child so young would even have his own money to spend, let alone be expected to decide how to spend it, seems beyond their comprehension. Here is a young child whose own mother is forcing him to make a decision that affects not just his situation at the moment—whether or not to get a hot dog—but that will affect him at some unspecified time in the future, when he will have more money.

But when Americans hear this story, they usually understand it perfectly well. This mother is helping her son learn to make his own decisions and to be accountable for his own money. Some American parents might not expect a three-year-old to make a decision about how to spend money, but they certainly understand what the mother is doing. She is getting her son ready for a world in which he will be responsible for his choices and their consequences. Even his own mother won‘t be helping him later in life, and he needs to be ready for that. This particular mother may or may not have owned a copy of Dr. Benjamin Spock‘s famous book, Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care, to which millions of American parents have long turned for information and advice on raising their children. The most recent version of the book makes this observation:

In the United States…very few children are raise d to believe that their principal destiny is to serve

their family, their country, or their God [as is the practice in some other countries]. Generally children [in the United States] are given the feeling that they can set their own aims and occupation in life,

according to their inclinations. We are raising them to be rugged individualists…. (1998, 7)

While it has become more acceptable in light of changing economic circumstances (especially higher housing costs) for young adults to live in their parents‘ house, the ideal of independence after high school graduation remains. If it is economically feasible for them to do so, young adult Americans are expected to live apart from their parents, either on their own or in college, or risk being viewed as immature, ―tied to their mother‘s apron strings,‖ or otherwise unable to lead a normal, independent life.

Research by social scientists indicates that the culture of the United States is the most individualistic (or second most, after Australia) in the world. American individualism was perhaps epitomized by a ―Walkman dance‖ at a major university. Students assembled in a large room, where they all danced alone to whatever music they were playing on their own Walkman.

Americans are trained to conceive of themselves as separate individuals, and they assume everyone else in the world is too. When they encounter a person from abroad who seems to them excessively concerned with the opinions of parents, with following traditions, or with fulfilling obligations to others, they assume that the person feels trapped or is weak, indecisive, or ―overly dependent.‖ They assume all people must resent being

in situations where they are not ―free to make up their own minds.‖ They assume, furthermore, that after living for a time in the United States, people will come to feel ―liberated‖ from constraints arising from outside themselves and will be grateful for the oppor tunity to ―do their own thing‖ and―have it their own way.‖ As indeed, many are.

Margaret Wohlenberg was the only American student among about nine hundred Malays enrolled at the branch campus of Indiana University in Shah Alam, Malaysia. She took Psychology 101, an introductory psychology course from the Indiana University curriculum and earned a grade of A+. The other students‘ grades were lower. After the experience she reported,

I do not think that Psych 101 is considered a very difficult course for the average freshman on the

Bloomington campus [Indiana University’s main location], but it is a great challenge to these [Malay] kids who have very little, if any, exposure to the concepts of Western psychology…. The American

[while growing up] is surrounded, maybe even bombarded, by the propaganda of self-fulfillment

and self-identity. Self-improvement and self-help— doing my own thing—seem at the core of American ideology.

But these are ―quite unfamiliar ideas to the Malay students,‖ Ms. Wohlenberg said. The Malay students‘ upbringing emphasizes the importance of family relationships and individual subservience to the family and the community.

It is this concept of themselves as individual decision makers that blinds at least some Americans to the fact that they share a culture with each other. They often have the idea, as mentioned above, that they have independently made up their own minds about the values and assumptions they hold. The notion that social factors outside themselves have made them ―just like everyone else‖ in important ways offends their sense of dignity.

Americans, then, consider the ideal person to be an individualistic, self-reliant, independent person. They assume, incorrectly, that people from elsewhere share this value and this self-concept. In the degree to which they glorify ―the individual‖ who stands alone and makes his or her own decisions, Americans are quite distinctive.

The individual that Americans idealize prefers an atmosphere of freedom, where neither the government nor any other external force or agency dictates what the individual does. For Americans, the idea of individual freedom has strong, positive connotations.

By contrast, people from many other cultures regard some of the behavior Americans legitimize by the label ―individual freedom‖ to be self-centered and lacking in consideration for others. Mr. Wilson (see pages xx–xxii) and his mother are good American individualists, living their own lives and interfering as little as possible with others. Tariq Nassar found their behavior almost immoral. Foreign visitors who understand the degree to which Americans are imbued with the notion that the free, self-reliant individual is the ideal kind of human being will be able to understand many aspects of American behavior and thinking that otherwise might not make sense. A very few of many possible examples:

?Americans see as heroes those individuals who ―stand out from the crowd‖ by doing something first, longest, most often, or otherwise ―best.‖ Real-life examples are aviators Charles Lindbergh and

Amelia Earhart, golfer Tiger Woods, and basketball player Michael Jordan. Perhaps the best example from the world of fiction is the American cowboy as portrayed by such motion-picture actors as John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

?Americans admire people who have overcome adverse circumstances (for example, poverty or a physical handicap) and ―succeeded‖ in life. Booker T. Washington, a famous nineteenth-century

African-American educator, is one example; the blind and deaf author and lecturer, Helen Keller, is

another.

?Many Americans do not display the degree of respect for their parents that people in more traditional or family-oriented societies commonly do. From their point of view, being born to particular parents

was a sort of historical or biological accident. The parents fulfill their responsibilities to the children

while the children are young, but when the children have reached ―the age of independence,‖ the

close child-parent tie is loosened, occasionally even broken.

?It is not unusual for Americans who are beyond the age of about twenty-two (and sometimes younger) and who are still living with their parents to pay their parents for room and board. Elderly parents living with their grown children may do likewise. Paying for room and board is a way of showing

independence, self-reliance, and responsibility for oneself.

?Certain phrases one commonly hears among Americans capture their devotion to individualism: ―You‘ll have to decide that for yourself.‖ ―If you don‘t look out for yourself, no one else will.‖ ―Look out for number one.‖ ―Be your own best friend.‖

In the late 1900s, social scientists who studied cultural differences published extensively about differences between individualistic and collectivistic societies. Some of their articles offered observations that can be quite helpful to collectivists and others trying to understand American culture. Two examples follow; both mention ideas that are addressed elsewhere in this book.

To transcend the distance between self and others, people in individualistic societies have to

develop a certain set of social skills. These include public speaking, meeting others quickly and

putting them at ease…, making a good first impression, and being well mannered, cordial, and

verbally fluent during initial encounters with others. These skills are not as necessary for

collectivists. When it comes time for a person to meet unknown others in the larger society,

members of the collective act as go-betweens and make introductions, descr ibe the person’s

accomplishments and abilities, and so forth…. In short, individualists have to rely on themselves

and to develop skills that allow them to branch out in society. Collectivists have a supportive

group that assists in this same goal. (Brislin 1990, 21–22)

Collectivists will want to understand that individualists are, according to Harry Triandis, Richard Brislin, and C.

H. Hui, likely to

? pay relatively little attention to groups (including families) they belong to,

? be proud of their acco mplishments and expect others to feel proud of their own

accomplishments,

? be more involved with their peers and less involved with people who are older or more senior

in an organization, and be more comfortable in social relationships with those who are their

equals and less comfortable in relationships with people of higher or lower status than

themselves,

? act competitively,

? define status in terms of accomplishments (what they have achieved through their own efforts)

rather than relationships or affiliations (the family or other group to which they belong),

? seem relatively unconcerned about being cooperative or having smooth interpersonal

relations,

? seem satisfied with relationships that seem superficial and short-term,

? be ready to ―do business‖ very soon after meeting, without much time spent on preliminary

getting acquainted conversation,

? place great importance on written rules, procedures, and deadlines, such as leases, contracts,

and appointments,

? be suspic ious of, rather than automatically respectful toward, people in authority, and

? assume that people in general need to be alone some of the time and prefer to take care of

problems by themselves. (1988, 271)

To elaborate here on just one of the ideas in the list above: individualistic Americans naturally see themselves as being in competition with others. Competitiveness pervades the society. It is obvious in the attention given to athletic events and to star athletes, who are praised for being ―real competitors.‖ It is also obvious in schools and extracurricular activities for children, where games and contests are assumed to be desirable and beneficial. Competitiveness is less obvious when it is in the minds of people who are persistently comparing themselves with others: who is faster, smarter, richer, better-looking; whose children are the most successful; whose husband is the best provider or the best cook or the best lover; which salesperson sold the most during the past quarter; who earned his first million dollars at the earliest age; and so on. People who are competing with others are essentially alone, trying to maintain their superiority and, implicitly, their separateness from others.

Privacy

Also closely associated with the value they place on individualism is the importance Americans assign to privacy. Americans assume that most people ―need some time to themselves‖ or ―some time alone‖ to think about things or recover their spent psychological energy. Most Americans have great difficulty understanding people who always want to be with another person, who dislike being alone. Americans tend to regard such people as weak or dependent.

If the parents can afford it, each child will have his or her own bedroom. Having one‘s own bedroom, eve n as an infant, inculcates in a person the notion that she is entitled to a place of her own where she can be by herself and—notice—keep her possessions. She will have her clothes, her toys, her books, and so on. These things will be hers and no one else‘s. Americans assume that people have their ―private thoughts‖ that might never be shared with anyone. Doctors, lawyers, psychiatrists, and others have rules governing ―confidentiality‖ that are intended to prevent information about their clients‘ personal s ituations from becoming

known to others.

Americans‘ attitudes about privacy can be difficult for foreigners to understand. Americans‘ houses, yards, and even their offices can seem open and inviting, yet, in Americans‘ minds, there are boundaries that other people are simply not supposed to cross. When such boundaries are crossed, the Americans‘ bodies will visibly stiffen and their manner will become cool and aloof.

Equality

Americans are also distinctive in the degree to which they believe in the ideal, as stated in their Declaration of Independence, that ―all men are created equal.‖ Although they sometimes violate the ideal in their daily lives, particularly in matters of interracial relationships and sometimes relationships among people from different social classes, Americans have a deep faith that in some fundamental way all people (at least all American people) are of equal value, that no one is born superior to anyone else. ―One person, one vote,‖ they say, conveying the idea that any person‘s opin ion is as valid and worthy of attention as any other person‘s opinion. Americans are generally quite uncomfortable when someone treats them with obvious deference. They dislike being the subjects of open displays of respect—being bowed to, deferred to, or treated as though they could do no wrong or make no unreasonable requests. It is not just males who are created equal, in the American mindset, but females too. While Americans may violate the ideal in practice (for example, women continue to be paid less, on average, than do men in similar jobs), they do generally assume that women and men are equal, deserving of the same level of respect. Women may be different from men but are not inferior to them. This is not to say that Americans make no distinctions among themselves as a result of such factors as gender, age, wealth, or social position. They do. But the distinctions are acknowledged in subtle ways. Tone of voice, order of speaking, choice of words, seating arrangements— such are the means by which Americans acknowledge status differences among themselves. People of higher status are more likely to speak first, louder, and longer. They sit at the head of the table or in the most comfortable chair. They feel free to interrupt other speakers more than others feel free to interrupt them. The higher-status person may put a hand on the shoulder of the lower-status person. If there is touching between the people involved, the higher-status person will touch first.

Foreigners who are accustomed to more obvious displays of respect (such as bowing, averting eyes from the face of the higher-status person, or using honorific titles) often overlook the ways in which Americans show respect for people of higher status. They think, incorrectly, that Americans are generally unaware of status differences and disrespectful of other people. What is distinctive about the American outlook on the matter of equality are the underlying assumptions that (1) no matter what a person‘s initial station in life, he or she has the opportunity to achieve high standing and (2) everyone, no matter how unfortunate, deserves some basic level of respectful treatment.

Informality

Their notions of equality lead Americans to be quite informal in their general behavior and in their relationships with other people. Store clerks and table servers, for example, may introduce themselves by their first (given) names and treat customers in a casual, friendly manner. American clerks, like other Americans, have been trained to believe that they are as valuable as any other people, even if they happen to be engaged at a given

time in an occupation that others might consider lowly. This informal behavior can outrage foreign visitors who hold high status in countries where it is not assumed that ―a ll men are created equal.‖

Relationships between students, teachers, and coworkers in American society are often very informal, as

the following example illustrates. Liz, a staff member at a university international office, invited a group of French exchange students along with their American teachers and several co-workers to her home for dinner. When the guests arrived, she welcomed them by saying, ―Make yourselves at home.‖ She showed them where to find the food and drinks in the kitchen and introduced them to some of the other guests. The French students then served themselves and sat with the other guests in small groups throughout the house, eating and talking. The young son of one of the American guests entertained them with jokes. When it was time to leave, several of the American guests stayed to help Liz clean up.

Later, in describing the dinner party, the French students remarked that such an event would almost never happen in their country. First, they were surprised that Liz, whom they had only met twice before, had invited them into her home. Moreover, they were impressed that the teachers and students and the international office coworkers and their family members socialized so easily. Even though they held positions of different status at work and were of different ages, they seemed to interact easily and naturally at the party

People from societies where general behavior is more formal than it is in the United States are struck by the informality of American speech, dress, and body language. Idiomatic speech and slang are liberally used on most occasions, with formal speech reserved for public events and fairly formal situations. People of almost any station in life can be seen in public wearing jeans, sandals, or other informal attire. People slouch down in chairs or lean on walls or furniture when they talk rather than maintaining an erect bearing.

A brochure advertising a highly regarded liberal arts college contains a photograph showing the college president, dressed in shorts and an old T-shirt, jogging past one of the classroom buildings on his campus. Americans are likely to find the photograph appealing: ―Here is a college president who‘s just like anyone else. He doesn‘t think he‘s too good for us.‖

Likewise, U.S. President George W. Bush frequently allowed himself to be photographed in his jogging attire while out for one of his frequent runs.

The superficial friendliness for which Americans are so well-known is related to their informal, egalitarian approach to other people. ―Hi!‖ they will say to just about anyone, or ―How ya doin?‖ (that is, ―How are you doing?‖or ―How are you?‖). This behavior reflects not so much a special interest in the person addressed as a concern (not conscious) for showing that one is a ―regular guy,‖ par t of a group of normal, pleasant people—like the jogging college president and the jogging president of his superpower country.

More ideas about American notions of friendship are discussed in Part II.

The Future, Change, and Progress

Americans are generally less concerned about history and traditions than are people from older societies.

―History doesn‘t matter,‖ many of them will say. ―It‘s the future that counts.‖ They look ahead. They have the idea that what happens in the future is within their control, or at least subject to their influence. The mature, sensible person, they think, sets goals for the future and works systematically toward them. Americans believe that people, as individuals or working cooperatively together, can change most aspects of their physical and social environments if they decide to do so, then make appropriate plans and get to work. Changes will presumably produce improvements. New things are better than old things.

Closely associated with their assumption that they can bring about desirable changes in the future is the Americans‘ assumption that their physical and social environments are subject to human domination or control. Early Americans cleared forests, drained swamps, and altered the course of rivers in order to ―build‖ the country. Contemporary Americans have gone to the moon in part just to prove they could do so! ―If you want

to be an American,‖ says cross-cultural trainer L. Robert Kohls, ―you have to believe you can fix it.‖

―The difficult takes a while,‖ accordi ng to a saying often attributed to the United States Marine Corps. ―The impossible takes a little longer.‖

This fundamental American belief in progress and a better future contrasts sharply with the fatalistic

(Americans are likely to use that term with a negative or critical connotation) attitude that characterizes people from many other cultures, notably Latin American, Asian, and Arab, where there is a pronounced reverence for the past. In those cultures the future is often considered to be in the hands of fate, God, or at least the few powerful people or families that dominate the society. The idea that people in general can somehow shape their own futures seems na?ve, arrogant, or even sacrilegious.

Americans are generally impatient with people they see as passively accepting conditions that are less than desirable. ―Why don‘t they do something about it?‖ Americans will ask. Americans don‘t realize that a large portion of the world‘s population sees the world around them not as something they can change, but rather as something to which they must submit, or at least something with which they must seek to live in harmony.

Goodness of Humanity

The future cannot be better if people in general are not fundamentally good and improvable. Americans assume that human nature is basically good, not basically evil. Foreign visitors will see them doing many things that are based on this assumption. Some examples will help.

Getting More Education or Training. Formal education is not just for young people, i t‘s for everyone. Many postsecondary students are adults who seek to ―improve themselves‖ or to change careers by learning more and/or getting a degree. Newspaper articles at graduation time often feature grandmothers or grandfathers who have returned to school late in life and earned a college diploma. Educational institutions offer ―extension classes,‖ night classes, correspondence courses, televised courses, and on-line courses so that people who have full-time jobs or who live far from a college or university have the opportunity to get more education.

―Non-formal‖ educational opportunities in the form of workshops, seminars, or training programs are widely available. Through them people can learn about a huge array of topics, from being a better parent to investing money wisely to behaving more assertively.

Rehabilitation. Except in extreme cases where it would clearly be futile, efforts are made to rehabilitate people

who have lost some physical capacity as a result of injury or illness. A person who learned to walk again after a debilitating accident is widely admired.

Rehabilitation is not just for the physically infirm but for those who have failed socially as well. Jails, prisons, and detention centers are intended as much to train inmates to be socially useful as they are to punish them.

A widespread (but not universally held) assumption is that people who violate the law do so more because of adverse environmental conditions such as poverty, domestic violence, or the media than because they themselves are irredeemably evil individuals.

Belief in Democratic Government. We have already discussed some of the assumptions that underlie the American belief that a democratic form of government is best— assumptions about individualism, freedom, and equality. Another assumption is that people can make life better for themselves and others through the actions of governments they choose.

Voluntarism. It is not just through the actions of governments or other formal bodies that life can be improved but through the actions of citizen volunteers as well. Many international visitors are awed by the array of activities Americans support on a voluntary basis: parent-teacher organizations in elementary and secondary schools, community ―service clubs‖ that raise mon ey for worthy causes, organizations of families that play host to foreign students, ―clean-up, paint-up, fix-up‖ campaigns to beautify communities, organizations working to preserve wilderness areas, and on and on.

Educational Campaigns. When Americans perceive a social problem, they are likely (often on a voluntary basis) to establish an ―educational campaign‖ to ―make the public aware‖ of the dangers of something and to induce people to take preventive or corrective action. Thus there are campaigns concerning tobacco, addictive drugs, alcohol, domestic abuse, handguns, and many specific diseases. Often these groups are started by someone who has either suffered personally from one of the problems or lost a loved one to it.

Self-help. Americans assume themselves to be improvable. We have already mentioned their participation in various educational and training programs. Mention should also be made of the array of ―self-help‖ and ―how-to‖books Americans buy as well as of the number of group activities they join in order to make themselves

―better.‖ Through things they read or groups they join, Americans can stop smoking, stop using alcohol, lose weight, improve their physical condition or memory or reading speed, manage their time and money more effectively, become better at their jobs, and improve themselves in countless other ways.

―Where there‘s a will, there‘s a way,‖ Americans say. People who want to make things better can do so if

only they have a strong enough motivation.

Time

For Americans, time is a resource that, like water or coal, can be used well or poorly. ―Time is money,‖ they say. ―You only get so much time in this life; you‘d best use it wisely.‖ As Americans are trained to see things, the future will not be better than the past or the present unless people use their time for constructive, future-oriented activities. Thus, Americans admire a ―well-organized‖ person, one who has a written list of things to do and a schedule for doing them. The ideal person is punctual (that is, arrives at the scheduled time for a meeting or event) and is considerate of other people‘s time (that is, does not ―waste people‘s time‖ with conversation or other activity that has no visible, beneficial outcome).

Early in his career, American anthropologist Edward T. Hall lived and worked on reservations belonging to two Native American Indian groups, the Navajo and the Hopi. He discovered that the Native Americans‘ notion of time was very different from the conception that he, a white American male, held. In describing his experience on the reservation, Hall later wrote,

During my five-year stay on the reservations, I found that, in general, the Indians believed that whites were crazy, although they didn‘t tell us that. We were always hurrying to get someplace when that place would still be there whenever we arrived. Whites had a kind of devil inside who seemed to drive them unmercifully. That devil‘s name was Time. (1992, 218)

The American attitude toward time is not necessarily shared by others, especially non-Europeans. Most people on our planet are more likely to conceive of time as something that is simply there, around them, not something they can ―use.‖ One of the more difficult things many foreign businesspeople and students must adjust to in the United States is the notion that time must be saved whenever possible and used wisely every day.

In their efforts to use their time wisely, Americans are sometimes seen by foreign visitors as automatons, inhuman creatures who are so tied to their clocks, their schedules, and their daily planners that they cannot participate in or enjoy the human interactions that are the truly important things in life. ―They are like little machines running around,‖ one foreign visitor said.

The premium Americans place on efficiency is closely related to their concepts of the future, change, and time. To do something efficiently is to do it in the way that is quickest and requires the smallest expenditure of resources. This may be why e-mail has become such a popular means of communication in American society. Students commonly correspond with their professors by e-mail rather than waiting to talk with them during their office hours. Likewise, businesspeople frequently check their email before and after work, on the weekend, and even while on vacation. American businesses sometimes hire ―efficiency experts‖ to review their operations and to suggest ways in which they could accomplish more with the resources they are investing. Popular magazines offer suggestions for more efficient ways to shop, cook, clean house, do errands, raise children, tend the yard, and on and on. The Internet provides immediate access to all kinds of information and products. Americans have come to expect instant responses to phone calls, e-mails, faxes, and other forms of communication. Many quickly become impatient if the responses aren‘t immediately forthcoming, even when there is no apparent urgency.

In this context the ―fast-food industry‖ can be seen as a clear example of an American cultural product. McDonald‘s, KFC, Pizza Hut, and other fast-food establishments prosper in a country where many people want to minimize the amount of time they spend preparing and eating meals. The millions of Americans who take their meals at fast food restaurants cannot have much interest in lingering over their food while conversing with friends, as millions of Europeans do. As McDonald‘s restaurants have spread around the world, they have been viewed as symbols of American society and culture, bringing not just hamburgers

but an emphasis on speed, efficiency, and shiny cleanliness. The typical American food, some observers argue, is fast food. And now, for those who don‘t have the time to stand in line to pay for their fast food, some companies offer special cell phones or wands with which you can ―pay‖ with a quick wave of the hand. What next?

―He‘s a hard worker,‖ one American might say in praise of another. Or, ―She gets the job done.‖ These expressions convey the typi cal American‘s admiration for a person who approaches a task conscientiously and persistently, seeing it through to a successful conclusion. More than that, these expressions convey an admiration for achievers, people whose lives are centered around efforts to accomplish some physical, measurable task. Social psychologists use the term achievement motivation to describe people who place a high value on getting things done. Affiliation is another type of motivation, shown by people whose main intent is to establish and retain relationships with other people. Obviously, the achievement motivation predominates in America.

Visitors from abroad commonly remark, ―Americans work harder than I expected them to.‖ (Perhaps these visitors have been excessively influenced by American movies and television programs, which are less likely

to show people working than driving around in fast cars or pursuing members of the opposite sex.) While the so-called ―Protestant work ethic‖ may have lost some of its hold on Americans, there is still a strong belief that the ideal person is a hard worker. A hard worker is one who ―gets right to work‖ on a task, works efficiently, and completes the task in a timely way that meets reasonably high standards of quality.

Hard workers are admired not just on the job but in other aspects of life as well. Housewives, students, and people volunteering their services to charitable organizations are also said to be hard workers who make

―significant achievements.‖

More generally, Americans like action. They do indeed believe it is important to devote significant energy to their jobs or to other daily responsibilities. Beyond that, they tend to believe they should be doing something most of the time. They are usually not content, as people from many countries are, to sit for long periods and talk with other people. They get restless and impatient. They believe they should be doing something, or at least making plans and arrangements for doing something later.

People without the Americans‘ action or ientation often see Americans as frenzied, always ―on the go,‖ never satisfied, compulsively active, and often impatient. They may, beyond that, evaluate Americans negatively for being unable to relax and enjoy life‘s pleasures. Even recreation, for Americans, is often a matter of acquiring lavish equipment, making elaborate plans, then going somewhere to do something.

Americans tend to define and evaluate people by the jobs they have. (―Who is she?‖ ―She‘s the vice president in charge of personal loans at the bank.‖) Family backgrounds, educational attainments, and other characteristics are considered less important in identifying people than the jobs they have.

There is usually a close relationship between the job a person has and the level of the person‘s income. Americans tend to measure a person‘s success in life by referring to the amount of money he or she has acquired and to the title or position that person has achieved. Being a bank vice president is quite respectable, but being a bank president is more so. The president gets a higher salary and more prestige. The president can also buy more things—indicators of status: a bigger house, a sports car, a boat, a beach home on a Caribbean island, and so on.

Regardless of income, Americans tend to spend money rather freely on material goods. Items that were once considered luxuries, such as personal computers, telephone answering machines, microwave ovens, and electric garage- door openers are now considered ―necessities‖ by many Americans. Credit cards, which are widely available even to teenagers, encourage spending, and of course the scale and scope of the advertising industry is well known. Americans are often criticized for being so ―materialistic,‖ so concerned with acquiring possessions. For Americans, though, this materialistic bent is natural and proper. They have been taught that it is good to achieve, to work hard, and to acquire more material badges of their success and in the process assure a better future for themselves and their families. And, like people elsewhere, they do what they are taught.

Directness and Assertiveness

Americans, as we‘ve said before, generally consider themselves to be frank, open, and direct in their dealings with other people. ―Let‘s lay our cards on the table,‖ th ey say. Or, ―Let‘s stop playing games and get to the point.‖ These and many other common expressions convey the Americans‘ idea that people should explicitly state what they think and what they want from other people.

among the people involved. If I dislike something you are doing, I should tell you about it directly so you will know, clearly and from me personally, how I feel about it. Bringing in other people to mediate a dispute is commonly considered somewhat cowardly, the act of a person without enough courage to speak directly to someone else. Mediation is, however, slowly gaining in popularity in recent years.

The word assertive is the adjective Americans commonly use to describe the person who plainly and directly expresses feelings and requests. People who are inadequately assertive can take ―assertiveness-training classes.‖ What Americans consider assertive is, however, often judged as aggressive by some non-Americans and sometimes by Americans—if the person referred to is a woman.

Americans will often speak openly and directly to others about things they dislike, particularly in a work situation. They will try to do so in a manner they call ―constructive,‖ that is, a manner the other person will not find offensive or unacceptable. If they do not speak openly about what is on their minds, they will often convey their reactions in nonverbal ways (without words but through facial expressions, body positions, and gestures). Americans are not taught, as people in many Asian countries are, that they should mask their emotional responses. Their words, the tone of their voices, or their facial expressions will usually reveal their feelings: anger, unhappiness and confusion or happiness and contentment. They do not think it improper to display these feelings, at least within limits. Many Asians feel embarrassed around Americans who are exhibiting a strong emotional response to something. On the other hand, as we shall see in Part II, Latin Americans and Arabs are generally inclined to display their emotions more openly than Americans do and to view

Americans as unemotional and ―cold.‖

Americans, however, are often less direct and open than they realize. There are in fact many restrictions on their willingness to discuss things openly. It is difficult to categorize those restrictions, which are often not

―logical‖ in the sense of being consistent with each other. Generally, though, Americans are reluctant to speak openly when

? the topic is in an area they consider excessively personal, such as unpleasant body or mouth odors, sexual functioning, or personal inadequacies;

? they want to say no to a request that has been made of them but do not want to offend or hurt the

feelings of the person who made the request;

? they are not well enough acquainted with the other person to be confident that direct discussion will be accepted in the constructive way that is intended; and, paradoxically,

? they know the other person very well (it might be a spouse or close friend) and they do not wish to risk giving offense and creating negative feelings by talking about some delicate problem.

A Chinese visitor invited an American couple to his apartment to share a dinner he had prepared. They complimented him warmly about the quality of his meal. ―Several Americans have told me they like my cooking, he replied, ―but I cannot tell whether they are sincere or are just being polite. Do you think they really like it?‖

All of this is to say that Americans, even though they see themselves as properly assertive and even though they often behave in open and direct ways, have limits on their openness. It is not unusual for them to try to avoid direct confrontations with other people when they are not confident that the interaction can be carried

out in a constructive way that will result in an acceptable compromise. (Americans‘ ideas about the benefits of compromise are discussed later.)

Foreigners often find themselves in situations where they are unsure or even unaware of what the Americans around them are thinking or feeling and are unable to find out because the Americans will not tell them directly what they have on their minds. Two examples follow:

Sometimes a person from another country will ―smell bad‖ to Americans because he or she does

not follow the hygienic practices, including daily bathing and the use of deodorants, that most

Americans think are necessary (see chapter 16). But Americans will rarely tell another person

(American or otherwise) that he or she has ―body odor‖ because that topic is considered too sensitive.

A foreigner (or another American, for that matter may ask a ―favor‖ of an American that he or she

considers inappropriate, such as wanting to borrow some money or a car or asking for help with

an undertaking that will require more time that the American thinks she or he has available. The

American will want to decline the request but will be reluctant to say no directly.

-15-

Americans might feel especially reluctant to refuse a foreigner directly for fear of making the person feel unwelcome or discriminated against. They will often try to convey their unwillingness indirectly by saying such things as ―It‘s not convenient now‖ or by repeatedly p ostponing an agreed-upon time for carrying something out.

Despite these limitations, Americans are generally more direct and open than people from almost all other countries with the exception of Israel and Australia. They will not try to mask their emotions, as Scandinavians or Japanese tend to do. They are much less concerned with ―face‖ (that is, avoiding embarrassment to themselves or others) than most Asians are. To them, being honest is usually more important than preserving harmony in interpersonal relationships.

Americans use the words pushy or aggressive to describe a person who is excessively assertive in expressing opinions or making requests. The line between acceptable assertiveness and unacceptable aggressiveness is difficult to draw. Iranians and people from other countries where forceful arguing and negotiating are common forms of interaction risk being seen as aggressive or pushy when they treat Americans in the way they treat people at home. This topic is elaborated upon in chapter 2.

Chapter 2

???

The Communicative Style of Americans

Pushy Greeks. Shy Taiwanese. Opinionated Germans. Emotional Mexicans, Brazilians, and Italians. Cold British. Loud Nigerians. These are among the stereotypes or general ideas Americans have about some other nationalities. In part these stereotypes arise from differences in what the communications scholar Dean Barnlund called ―communicative style.‖

When people communicate with each other, they exhibit a style that is strongly influenced by their culture. Communicative style refers to several characteristics of conversations between individuals, according to Barnlund (1989): (1) the topics people prefer to discuss, (2) their favorite forms of interaction in conversation, (3) the depth to which they want to get involved with each other, (4) the communication channels (verbal or nonverbal) on which they rely, and (5) the level of meaning (factual versus emotional) to which they are most attuned. Each of these is discussed below.

Naturally, people prefer to use their own communicative styles. Issues about communicative style rarely arise when two people from the same culture are together because their styles generally agree. Most people—including most Americans—are as unaware of their communicative style as they are of their basic values and assumptions. Foreigners who understand something about the Americans‘ communicative style will be less likely to misinterpret or misjudge Americans than will those who don‘t know the common characteristics of interpersonal communication among Americans. They will also have a better understanding of some of the stereotypes Americans have about other nationality groups.

Preferred Discussion Topics

When they first encounter another person, Americans engage in a kind of conversation the y call ―smalltalk.‖ The most common topic of smalltalk is the weather. Another very common topic is what the speakers ―do,‖ meaning, normally, what jobs they have. They may discuss their current physical surroundings—the room or building they are in, the area where they are standing, or whatever is appropriate. Later, after the preliminaries, Americans may talk about past experiences they have both had, such as watching a particular TV program, seeing a certain movie, or eating at a particular restaurant.

Beyond these very general topics of smalltalk, there is variation according to the life situation of the people involved and the setting in which the conversation is taking place. Students are likely to talk about their teachers and classes; if they are of the same gender, they are likely to discuss their social lives. Adults may discuss their jobs, recreational interests, houses, or family matters. Men are likely to talk about sports or cars. Women are likely to talk about interpersonal relationships or their children, if they have any. It is important to remember that these are general observations and that individual Americans will differ in their preferred topics of conversation. Some men are not interested in sports, for example, and some women are.

Americans are explicitly taught not to discuss religion and politics unless they are fairly well acquainted with the people they are talking with. In public meetings Americans will openly debate political matters, but we are talking here about communicative style in interpersonal situations. Politics and religion are thought to be

―controversial,‖ and discussing a controversial topic can lead to an argument. Americans, as we will discuss under ―Favorite Forms of Interaction,‖ are taught to avoid argume nts.

Unlike Americans, people from Germany, Iran, Brazil, and many other countries consider politics, and sometimes religion, to be excellent topics for informal discussion and debate. For them, discussing—and arguing about—politics is a favorite way to pass the time and to get to know other people better.

There are other topics Americans generally avoid because they are ―too personal.‖ Financial matters is one. To many foreigners, this may seem contradictory because material wealth is so highly valued by many Americans. However, inquiries about a person‘s earnings or about the amount someone paid for an item are usually beyond the bounds of acceptable topics. So are body and mouth odors (as already mentioned), bodily functions, sexual behavior and responses, and fantasies. Another sensitive topic for many Americans is body weight. It is considered impolite to tell someone, especially a woman, that he or she has gained weight. On

the other hand, saying that someone has lost weight or that he or she ―looks slim‖ is a compliment. Mary, an American woman married to a German, encountered a different attitude toward body weight while visiting her husband‘s family in Bavaria. She was shocked that her husband Dieter‘s friends and family commented so openly about how much weight he had gained while living in the United States. ―If my family said that about me, I would be very insulted!‖ Mary exclaimed. Upon first meeting, people from Latin America and

Spain may have long interchanges about the health and well-being o f each other‘s family members. Saudis,

by contrast, consider questions about family members, particularly women, inappropriate unless the people talking know each other well. Americans might inquire briefly about family members (―How‘s your wife?‖ or

―How‘re the kids?‖), but politeness in brief and casual encounters does not require dwelling on the subject

As was already said, people prefer to use their own communicative styles. That means, among other things, they prefer to abide by their own ideas about conversation topics that are appropriate for any given setting. Foreigners who have different ideas from Americans about what topics are appropriate for a particular setting are very likely to feel uncomfortable when they are talking with Americans. They may not feel they can participate in the conversation on an equal footing, and Americans often resist (quite unconsciously) foreigners‘ attempts to bring up a different topic.

Listening to American smalltalk leads some foreigners to the erroneous conclusion that Americans are intellectually incapable of carrying on a discussion about anything significant. Some foreigners believe that topics more complex than weather, sports, or social lives are beyond the Americans‘ ability to comprehend. Foreigners should keep in mind that this is the type of communicative style that Americans are accustomed to; it does not necessarily reflect their level of intelligence.

Favorite Forms of Interaction

The typical conversation between two Americans takes a form that can be called repartee. No one speaks for very long. Speakers take turns frequently, often after only a few sentences have been spoken. ―Watching a conversation between two Americans is like watching a table tennis game,‖ a British observer said. ―Your head goes back and forth and back and forth so fast it almost makes your neck hurt.‖

Americans tend to be impatient with people who take long turns. Such people are said to ―talk too much.‖ Many Americans have difficulty paying attention to someone who speaks more than a few sentences at a time, as Nigerians, Egyptians, and some others do. Americans admire conciseness, or what they call ―getting to the point‖ (about which more is said in the next chapter).

Americans engage in far less ritual interaction than do many other cultural groups. Only a few ritual interchanges are common: ―How are you?‖ ―I‘m fine, thank you,‖―Nice to meet you,‖ ―Hope to see you again,‖ and ―We‘ll have to get together.‖ These things are said under certain circumstances Americans learn to recognize, and, like any ritual interchanges, are concerned more with form than with substance. That is, the questions are supposed to be asked and the statements are supposed to be made in particular circumstances, no matter what the people involved are feeling or what they really have in mind. In many Americans‘ opinions, people who rely heavily on ritual interchanges are ―too shy‖ or ―too polite,‖ unwilling to reveal their true natures and ideas.

Americans are generally impatient with long ritual interchanges about family members‘ health—common among Latin Americans—or invocations of a Supreme Being‘s goodwill—common among Arabs—considering

A third form of interaction, one Americans tend to avoid, is argument. Americans imagine that an argument with another person might result in the termination of their relationship. They do not conceive of argument as

a sport or a pleasurable pastime. If Americans are in a discussion in which a difference of opinion is emerging, they are likely to say, ―Let‘s not get into an argument about this.‖ Rather than argue, they prefer to find areas

of agreement, change the topic, or even physically move away from the person they have been talking to. Not surprisingly, people who like to argue are likely to be labeled ―pushy,‖―aggressive,‖ or ―opinionated.‖

If an argument is unavoidable, Americans believe it should be conducted in calm, moderate tones and with a minimum of gesturing. Loud voices, vigorous use of arms, more than one person talking at a time—to most Americans these are signs that a physical fight, or at least an unproductive ―shouting match,‖ might develop. They believe people should ―stay cool‖ when presenting their viewpoints. They watch in astonishment when television news programs show members of the Japanese parliament (the Diet) hitting each other with their fists.

This is not to say that no Americans argue. Certainly there are those who do, even in interpersonal situations. Then, of course, there are the famous (infamous?) hordes of American lawyers. Generally, though, they prefer not to. One result of their aversion to arguing is that they get little practice in verbally defending their viewpoints. And one result of that, in turn, is that they may appear less intelligent than they actually are (see page 37 for more on this subject).

A fourth and final form of interaction is self-disclosure. In many cases, conversations with a large amount of smalltalk (or of ritual interchange) usually produce little self-disclosure. That is, the people involved reveal little if anything about their personal lives or situations. This is especially true if the people involved in the conversation do not know each other well. What Americans regard as personal in this context is their feelings and their opinions about controversial matters. In most public situations Americans reveal little that is personal. They often wait until they find themselves in a more private setting (until they are at home or at a bar or restaurant where fewer people are likely to know them) to discuss personal matters. Women tend to disclose more about themselves to other women than they do to men. Men tend not to disclose much about themselves to anyone. Of course, for both men and women, much more self-revelation takes place in the context of a close friendship or intimate relationship.

Americans are probably not extreme with respect to the amount of self-disclosure that takes place in interpersonal encounters. Foreign visitors who are accustomed to more self-revelation may feel frustrated in their efforts to get to know Americans. In contrast, those accustomed to less self-disclosure may be embarrassed by some of the things Americans do talk about. As Melissa, an American college student, said about her new friend from Korea, ―Joohwan seemed so uncomfortable when I asked him to tell me more about his dating experiences. I don‘t understand why. I always talk about dating with my American

friends, both guys and girls!‖

Depth of Involvement Sought

Cultural backgrounds influence the degree to which people want to become closely connected with other people outside their families. People from some cultures are looking for close, interdependent relationships. They value commitment to other people, and they want friendships in which there are virtually no limits to

what the friends will do for each other.

Americans cause immense frustration for foreigners by their apparent inability to become closely involved with other people in the way the foreigners want and expect them to. Americans just don‘t know how to be friends, many people from other countries say. You never feel that you are free to call on them at any time or that they will help you no matter what.

Many Americans do have what they call close friends, with whom they discuss intimate personal concerns

and to whom they feel special attachments and strong obligations. But such friendships are relatively few in number. Much more numerous are relationships with people who might more accurately be called acquaintances than friends. With acquaintances, the degree of intimate involvement or sense of mutual obligation is much lower. Americans are likely to use the term friend to cover a wide range of types of relationships, much to the confusion of visitors from abroad.

Americans often relate to each other as occupants of roles rather than as whole people. Another person might