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COMMUNICATION SKILLS Lesson 3

Lesson 3

Topics For Conversation

Common Misconceptions

If your difficulty seems to be finding suitable topics, your real problem may be thinking about topics in the wrong way. You may have some misconceptions concerning the things people talk about.

One common misconception is that only the very unusual event is worth talking about. You ransack ( seek ) your mind for some preposterous ( contrary to nature or reason, beyond belief, incredible ) coincidence, some tremendous achievement, some shattering ( breaking into many pieces, smashed ) experience, some hilarious ( noisy merriment, cheerful ) situation.

Vastly ( greatly, extremely ) exciting and amusing events do occur in this world, of course, and people enjoy hearing and telling about them.

But many an agreeable evening has been spent in small talk about the ordinary happenings and problems of everyday living—getting the children off to school, whether tomato plants should be staked ( a stick of wood sharpened at one end to be driven into the ground ) or not, good places to spend the weekend.

So if you have never been forced at the point of a gun to prepare breakfast for four bank robbers, you need not remain silent. However simple life you lead, it provides plenty of material for conversation.

Another misconception is that a topic must be literary ( pertaining or related to literature ), or abstruse ( difficult to apprehend, obscure ), or very learned ( gained knowledge of or skilled in ).

People do talk about the special theory of relativity, and atomic fission ( the act of cleaving apart or splitting ), to be sure. But more often, they talk about life and love, and food and drink, and the weather. So do not feel that only topics you have studied for months are suitable for conversation.

What to Talk About ?

As a matter of fact, almost any topic is suitable for conversation.

You can talk about basketball, truth or honor, tea or sympathy, hitchhiking or door-to-door selling, the stock market or the chain store, or shoes, or ships etc.

You can discuss books, plays, moves, television programs, news events, national politics, or local problems.

You can recall some idea from a magazine article, a newspaper column. And your reaction to the idea may be more important to the conversation than the topic itself.

For one purpose of conversation is to enable other persons to compare their thought with yours. They hope you will prove enthusiastic about the same things they are, they find minor differences of opinion intriguing ( fascinate, excite, interest ).

Conversation is a friendly art with a double pleasure—the warmth of sharing similar beliefs, and the stimulation of discovering differences.

So don't hesitate to express agreement, for fear of being thought unoriginal; and don't hesitate to express disagreement, for fear of being considered contrary.

If you can't rave( to talk like a madman ) about South Pacific like the others, don't think you must stay silent about it. If you think reporters are a nuisance ( anything that causes annoyance ) at international conferences, say so. But remember to voice your dissent ( disagree ) in such a friendly way that the conversation can continue. If you force your opinion as if you had a mission to convert others, you will not be contributing to the conversation, but stopping it.

Air your prejudices ( premature judgment, bias ), too, if you want, provided you show

by words or your tone that you know them to be prejudices; and provided, of course, that they are not offensive. If you can't stand calorie-counting, or amateur psychoanalysis, don't hold back ( retain , prohibit ). On the other hand avoid becoming known as a person who "can't stand" things. It matters very little to anyone that you "can't stand roses." And not at all to the rose.

Some persons like to make challenging statements. Such remarks may provoke stimulating discussion; they may also provoke discord ( disagreement, conflict ). The challenge must be carefully handled, and perhaps you had better leave it till you are very sure of yourself and your company.

Before offering a topic, be sure you know something about it. This doesn't mean your knowledge must be encyclopedic. But be sure you are familiar with it. If you have had only a week-end of skiing you had better not tell how to execute a stem-Christy ( stem turn, i.e. change the ski direction ). There may be an expert present, and you will be much safer describing your first reactions to skiing, your first fail.

What Not to Talk About. The wide variety of topics available to you is proved by the small number of topics to be avoided.

Parading,your private life before strangers is taboo. So also is shaming your family or friends by describing their faults to a general company. Unless you aim to be an untouchable, you had better not tell the plots of books or movies or plays to those who haven't yet enjoyed them. Your chances of being invited again are slight if upon being introduced you promptly launch into a shady ( questionable ) story.

Having only one topic for conversation is as bad as having none, or violating a taboo. We have all suffered from the bore who could only "talk shop," or who would never let anyone forget his aches ( suffering ) and pains, or who chattered incessantly (unceasingly ) about the brilliance of her children.

If you think the variety of your topics is limited, set about finding some new ones.

22 The Art of Speaking Made Simple

Discovering and Developing Topics. You read newspapers daily, probably subscribe to a magazine or two; you listen to radio programs or watch television; you hear stories from friends; you go to church and hear sermons ( a public discourse delivered by a clergyman and based on a text from the bible, any serious discourse or speech );

you attend the theatre; you have a multitude of interesting experiences with customers, salespeople, colleagues, your family.

These are storehouses of topics for conversation.

Are you neglecting them? Do you use reading simply as a time-filler? Is the newspaper only something to look at while you ride from home to office and back? Do you listen without really pay-ing much attention? Do you say, "That was: a good speech," and promptly forget it?. Do you hurry so busily and thoughtlessly from moment to moment that you never let your experiences sink in, become meaningful?

If so, begin to make use of these storehouses.

When you come across a likely item in the n ewspaper, make a mental note of it

Circle it in pencil. Better still, tear the item out.

Fix in mind the idea you find in a magazine: "Americans are; perfectionists. They have,

a naive faith that there is a best way of doing t hings, and they're going to keep on

trying till they find it.'.'

Remember the pungent ( sharp and s tinging to taste or to smell )

phrase from the speech or sermon: "Every m an is an unrepeatable experiment"

Out of such materials, build your own store-house of topics.. If your memory is

not good enough to store such bits, keep a n otebook or a card-file.

Develop this material, moreover, while it is still f resh in mind. Talk an idea over with

family and friends. It may seem quite a different, certainly a fuller ( one who fulls cloth in

a mill, i.e. colored the cloth ), one when you have e xamined and explored its possibilities.

Read up on topics that particularly interest you. The. Readers' Guide to Periodical Literature, which you can get at public libraries, w ill help you to find articles on the subject. Make this reading active. And for every h our you spend reading, set aside some

time afterwards for thinking about what you've r ead.

If you keep on discovering and developing topics in these ways, you will never be at

a loss for conversational topics.

Is It Topic Trouble? One possibility remains —that you haven't really got topic

trouble at,all. There may have been topics you c ould do well with, only you were too

shy to speak up when they were mentioned.

You may have set your sights ( range of vision, point of view ) too high. You may have

talked very well without realizing it.

Or you may have wrong goals. You may have b een comparing yourself with someone who is a good conversationalist, but in a s tyle not suited to you.

If that is the case start afresh ( again ). At the n ext occasion where you can do so, sit in,

but only as a listener.

Use your silence. Listen carefully. Practice l istening. Be able to report afterwards, to yourself, or to others, what topics were covered a nd how.

Compare the participants, their successes and failures. Evaluate their techniques.

At another time, though still making no direct contributions, ask questions. Try to draw people out ( to draw is to put a body in motion toward oneself, to draw people out is to make people talk ). And evaluate what you hear.

At still another time use only single-statement contributions and questions. Evaluate the performances of others. Evaluate your own.

On the next occasion let yourself go. See how you do.

You may be very proud of the result.

Practice Exercise No. 3

Jot ( note in writing, make a memorandum of ) down a list of possible topics from your past reading and listening. Make a separate list of topics you have heard discussed in groups you were with during the week.

Do any topics occur on both lists?

Could you have used any other of the topics from the first list?

If so, why didn't you?

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