极智批改网 用户 TPO第2套独立写作 真实批改报告
极智批改网用户
TPO第2套独立写作真实批改报告
订单编号：sp20130226030352210
题型：托福独立写作
题目：TPO第2套
原文字数：374
批改时间：2013年02月26日15：03
A 1people who want to 2hav e3a good 4friend must 5have some definite goals in mind. For the people who wants have a good interpersonal relationship quickly and make others believe him firsthand, there is often method to telling the truth.6There may be 7one 8disadvantage 9of telling
the truth10However, I believe that there are 11for more advantages.12In summary, I think that always telling the truth is the most
important 13consideration in any relationship between people.
First of all, one minor 14disadvantages of telling the truth 15inclues that without regard to felling of others and irrespective of lick that people whether
of not. For 16instance, my grandmother 17is smoker; she has been smoking
for 30 years.18One day, I learn the knowledge that smoking short the
life,19then I telling the truth to my grandmother, she as heard the truth soon
cried. 20Apparently, I should 21not tell the truth 22to her, so telling the truth should consider the situation of others. Even though
there 23maybe 24one disadvantages 25of telling the truth, the advantages
far 26more outweigh them. By telling the truth, 27the people have an
excellent opportunity to improve2829his 30interpersonal relationship.
For example, my 31bother always 32telling the truth33,34all of his
classmates consider35that he is a honest,36therefore , he is the most popular student in 37the class, 38his interpersonal is excellent.
Another 39advantage of telling the truth is 40that the people can be believed, 41once people know that 42he is an honest 43man and then people will redouble his trust on him. Trust is very importance, since if people trust you, then he will tell you the truth, such as your drawback. The people who learn the drawback of oneself by other people is more likely
to 44success.
Although I agree that there 45maybe 46one disadvantage 47of telling the truth, I feel that48advantages are more 49obvious. People can have a good interpersonal relationship. In addition, people will find 50himself in an 51atmosphere which others trust 52you more. In my opinion, these are the two important goals for him, and telling the truth is the best way to achieve 53then54, 55thus, I 56suppose that always telling the truth is the most important 57consideration in any relationship between people.
错误归类分析：
选词错误：
1: 修改建议：person.
13: 修改建议：aspect.
16: 修改建议：example.
49: 修改建议：prominent/significant.
51: 修改建议：position.
56: 修改建议：think.
57: 修改建议：aspect.
打字错误(TYP)：
2: 修改建议：have.
53: 修改建议：them.
冠词错误：
3: 修改建议：delete “a”.
37: 修改建议：his.
48: 修改建议：the.
单复数错误：
4: 修改建议：friends.
8: 修改建议：disadvantages.
46: 修改建议：disadvantages.
句子过长：
5: 修改建议：know of certain methods to attain them, such as(repetition of first sentence meaning).
连词错误：
6: 修改建议：Although.
12: 修改建议：This is a concluding statement which does not belong in the middle of an introduction.
20: 修改建议：In this case.
34: 修改建议：Therefore.
36: 修改建议：making him.
修饰词错误：
7: 修改建议：certain.
11: 修改建议：far.
26: 修改建议：delete.
介词错误：
9: 修改建议：when.
25: 修改建议：to.
28: 修改建议：on.
47: 修改建议：to.
多余文字：
10: 修改建议：delete “However”.
24: 修改建议：delete “one”.
38: 修改建议：delete “his interpersonal is excellent”.
单词重复过多：
14: 修改建议：setback.
39: 修改建议：benefit.
15: 修改建议：is that it can be deemed rude or received poorly by others. 19: 修改建议：my grandmother did not know this. I relayed this information to her which made her cry immediately upon hearing.
22: 修改建议：and should have considered the sensitivity of the situation more.
27: 修改建议：one possesses the
43: 修改建议：they will continue to think of that person as such.
句子过短：
17: 修改建议：has been a smoker for 30 years.
逻辑出错：
18: 修改建议：Although it is a widely known fact that s moking shortens one’s lifespans,
35: 修改建议：him.
时态错误：
21: 修改建议：have not told.
32: 修改建议：tells.
单词合并错误：
23: 修改建议：may be.
45: 修改建议：may be.
代词错误：
29: 修改建议：his/her.
50: 修改建议：themselves.
52: 修改建议：them.
指代不清：
30: 修改建议：interpersonal relationship skills.
42: 修改建议：someone is.
拼写错误(SPL):
31: 修改建议：brother.
标点错误：
33: 修改建议：.
54: 修改建议：.
语态错误(VOI)：
40: 修改建议：earning the right to be trusted.
大小写错误：
41: 修改建议：Once.
55: 修改建议：Thus.
动词形式错误：
44: 修改建议：succeed.
得分3.2分（满分5分）
任务完成情况Development and Details
文章切题、阐述充分
Effectiveness in addressing the topic and task.
文章组织和结构Organization & Structure
结构连贯清晰、阐述每篇文章观点及他们的关系
Clear, coherent structure, logical paragraphing and clear transitions in ideas. 论点扩展和细节运用Development & Details
能用相关的例子，细节和原因支持观点。前后一致并循序渐进
Relevant examples, details, reasons to support the position, presented in a unified and progressive way.
语法Grammar
能运用标准的书面英语，包括语法，词汇，拼写及标点
Command of the elements of Standard Written English, incl. grammar, word usage, spelling, and punctuation.
整体评分Holistic Assessment
内容切题，表达连贯流畅
Effectively addresses the topic and task cohesively and fluently in the presentation of the text.
总评
how to correctly spell words that are common. 2. Please stick to writing in the 3rd person perspective.Avoiding writing in 2nd person unless for intended effect. Mixing perspectives causes confusion and lack of focus.3. Avoiding starting sentences using the same wording(i.e.A person who wants to (i)
sequence.4. Please try and avoid using such wording as "First of all, Second,..."as these take away from a cohesive work rather than help.5. Avoid repeating the same words in a paragraph. (i.e. disadvantages)unless it is for intended purposes.6. Please try to connect short sentences into a cohesive and meaningful one.(i.e. My grandmother is a smoker;she has been smoking for 30 years.)
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