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ENGLISH JOKES

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.

Boy: What are the two things?

Girl: Your feet.

Submitted by Bob Waldman

--------------------------------------------------------------- A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

Submitted by BH LEE

--------------------------------------------------------------- My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

--------------------------------------------------------------- The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'

The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'

The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'

I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.

Submitted by: Adriana Luchetti

--------------------------------------------------------------- A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"

The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

Submitted by Sean McLoughlin

--------------------------------------------------------------- Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Submitted by: Irene Pellegrini

--------------------------------------------------------------- Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

Doctor: Next please!

Submitted by Marco Morales, Mexico

--------------------------------------------------------------- Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

--------------------------------------------------------------- A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

Submitted by Steve

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"

Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltｏ

--------------------------------------------------------------- Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?

Johnny: Nothing, sir.

Headmaster: Exactly.

Submitted by Maria del Pilar Villlegas Martinez

--------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?" Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

Submitted by Bernadette Kelly

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Submitted by Clａudia Almeida

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: Why are you crying?

B: The elephant is dead.

A: Was he your pet?

B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave.

Submitted by Joe, from Indiana

--------------------------------------------------------------- A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.

--------------------------------------------------------------- PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?" TEACHER:" Of course not."

PUPIL: "Good, because I haven`t done my homework."

Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltｏ

--------------------------------------------------------------- A teacher asked a student to write 55.

Student asked: How?

Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

The student wrote 5 and stopped.

teacher: What are you waiting for?

student: I don't know which side to write the other 5! Submitted by Mahmoud Zeidan

--------------------------------------------------------------- When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:

Phone rings: "Green, green!"

They answer: "Yellow?"

They ask: "White?"

They hang up: "Pink!"

While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.

Submitted by Maria Crisitna Codorniz

--------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?

Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?

Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Submitted by: Elise Owen, Dalian China

--------------------------------------------------------------- Two goldfish in a bowl talking:

Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?

Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water? --------------------------------------------------------------- Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.

Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.

Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

Submitted by kara dolson

--------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

Submitted by Fred G. Stone

--------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.

Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.

Submitted by Jim Sperling

--------------------------------------------------------------- The real estate agent says, "I have a good, cheap apartment for you." The man replys, "By the week or by the month?"

The agent answers, "By the garbage dump.."

--------------------------------------------------------------- Bank Teller: How do you like the money?

English Student: I like it very much.

Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)

--------------------------------------------------------------- "Why do you take baths in milk?"

"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

--------------------------------------------------------------- Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee

Waitress : Is it enough Sir?

Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?

Submitted by Safnil (Bengkulu University Indonesia)

--------------------------------------------------------------- "You look very funny wearing that belt."

"I would look even funnier if I didn't wear it."

---------------------------------------------------------------"I was born in California."

"Which part?"

"All of me."

--------------------------------------------------------------- "Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?"

"No, I'm sorry I don't."

"Well, it's two blocks this way, then one block to the left." --------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?

Student: Well...yes and no.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, "Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!" The surprised cat ran away scared. Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, "You see, it pays to be bilingual!"

Submitted by Jeanne Ramirez

--------------------------------------------------------------- Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,"oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)

--------------------------------------------------------------- The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.

The student: I walk. You walk ....

The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.

The student: I run. You run ...

Submitted by: Mouhssin

--------------------------------------------------------------- Father: What did you do today to help your mother?

Son: I dried the dishes

Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.

Submitted by Fred G. Stone

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: Look at your face I know what you have for breakfast

B: What was it?

A: Eggs.

B: No, that was yesterday.

Submitted by: Janekt Ho

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: Why are all those people running?

B: They are running a race to get a cup.

A: Who will get the cup?

B: The person who wins.

A: Then why are all the others running?

Submitted by: Girish Chavan

--------------------------------------------------------------- Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this glass of water.

Patient: Will it make me better?

Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks. Submitted by: Rizwana Lahore Pakistan

--------------------------------------------------------------- Said to a railroad engineer:

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:

How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule? Submitted by Kyle Jefferson

--------------------------------------------------------------- A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

Submitted by Kyle Jefferson

-------------------------------

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?

Student: No, he did it all by himself.

-------------------------------------------------------------- Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from? Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

--------------------------------------------------------------- On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing." --------------------------------------------------------------

If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases? Submitted by lisbeth

------------------------------------------------------------

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

B: Ok

A: A white horse fell in the mud.

Submitted by Robert Kenneth Peter Kroeker - age 21

--------------------------------------------------------------

A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!" :)

Submitted by Joan M. Diez Cliville

--------------------------------------------------------------- I used to be a werewoolf...

But I'm much better noooooooooooow !

Submitted by Eric Vadot

--------------------------------------------------------------- "Spell SPOT three times."

"S P O T , S P O T , S P O T"

"What do you do when you come to a green light?"

(answer is invariably-) "Stop!"

"What, at a GREEN light?"

Submitted by Karen

--------------------------------------------------------------- There is a California dude going through a desert. He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He's having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching. He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: "Hey dudes how far is the sea?" They look at each other and say: "Two thousand miles!" And he says: "Wow what a cool beach!!!"

Submitted by Robert Stadnik

--------------------------------------------------------------- In a restaurant:

Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

Submitted by Daniel Fernando Rodrigues

--------------------------------------------------------------- One teacher said this to his students before the final test. "A" is for God.

"B" is for me and my wife.

"C" is for the perfect student.

"D & F" are for all other students.

Submitted by Abu Abdulaziz (Kuwait)

--------------------------------------------------------------- Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?

God said to man --- So that you will love them.

Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?

God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Submitted by Esmond Jones.

--------------------------------------------------------------- This is a humorous "fake" news items which many adult ESL/EFL students may understand.

REDMOND, WA (API) --- MICROSOFT (MSFT) announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Knock Knock

Who's there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you so much! (I love you so much..)

Submitted by Barbara S.

--------------------------------------------------------------- Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Submitted by Pat Bacon

--------------------------------------------------------------- (For advanced learners... and teachers?)

Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, "I'm Thor!"

His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, "That'th becauthe you forgot the thaddle, thilly!"

Submitted by Walter F. Lockhart

--------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?

He ordered a cup of o a cafe?

He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

Submitted by C. Keyes

--------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

2. Did you hear about the deaf shepherder who gathered his flock and heard?

Submitted by Leah Davis

--------------------------------------------------------------- You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.

Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?

Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

Submitted by George L. Washington

--------------------------------------------------------------- My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him. Submitted by Jozef Karpat

--------------------------------------------------------------- "Do you know what really amazes me about you?"

"No.What?"

"Oops.Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"

Submitted by The Clar (South Korea)

--------------------------------------------------------------- Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

Submitted by Rex Karz in Seattle

--------------------------------------------------------------- If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? Submitted by r.d.

--------------------------------------------------------------- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Submitted by Shahirah

Comment Probably too difficult for most ESL students.

---------------------------------------------------------------

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks

three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.

What is a person who speaks one language?

An American.

Submitted by H. Terrell

--------------------------------------------------------------- Man: How can you tell if a man is happy?

Woman : Who cares?!

(Use as an example of a sexist joke.)

Submitted by Tomoyuki Noda from Japan

Once there was a boy who lived on a farm. Every day he had to take his father’s sheep to a hi ll. One day he tried to play a trick on the other people. He said to himself. I will call “wolf. wolf.” then everyone come to help me. It will be fun when they find out there is no wolf after all. So he cried: “wolf .wolf.” and everyone ran to help him. Wh en they came he just said: “there is no wolf. It was only a joke.” He did this three times. Then one day a wolf really came. “Help! Help! The wolf is here.” called the boy. But everyone said: “No, you know that there is no wolf. He is just calling us for f un. There is no danger.” So they did not go to help the boy. The wolf killed all the sheep then.

One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl: Father, I have sinned.

Preacher: What did you do, little girl?

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher: Why? What did he do to you?

Girl: He touched my breast.

Preacher: You mean like this? (The guy did it.)

Girl: (A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher: Thats no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher: You mean like this? (He did it again.)

Girl: Yes, thats what he did.

Preacher: Thats still no reason to call him that.

Girl: And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher: (evil laugh...) You mean like this? (And you-know-what)

Girl: (After a few minutes...) Ugh... Yeah, thats what he did...

Preacher: My dear girl, thats still no reason to call him a...

Girl: But he had AIDS!!

Preacher: THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!

Silent fart joke(this makes me laugh)

A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem

"Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions.

At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go!

As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you.

What are we going to do?"

The doctor replies

"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing"

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝；巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

Notes:

(1) poisonous adj.有毒的

(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。句中Cause 是Because 的缩略形式。

A Woman Who Fell

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

英语笑话（一）

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

A: By treading on his corn?

Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

A: They make faces all day.

Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

A: Keep him awake.

英语笑话（二）

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

----A maintenance man in a cemetery.

英语笑话（三）

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

”

英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

Customer: Are you supposed to tip the waiters here?

Waiter: Why, yes.

Customer: Then tip me, I’ve been waiting for two hours

A Useful Lesson

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar．Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Tho mpson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too muc h． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you s ee those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．”

“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”

A: What is the difference between a lemon , an elephant, and a bag of cement?

B: I give up, what is the difference?

A: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze an elephant.

B: What about the bag of cement?

A: I just threw that in to make it hard.

A: Oh, doctor! I have pains everywhere. I have pains in my knees, my arms, my bac k, and~~~

B: Put out your tongue, please. Ok, you can put your tongue back now. It's clear what 's wrong with you. You need more exercise.

A: But doctor, I don't think so.

B: Don't tell me what you think. I am the doctor, not you. I know what you need. I se e hundreds of patients like you every. None of them get any exercise. They sit in offi ces all day and in front of TV in the evening. What you need is to walk at least 20 mi nutes each day or ride bike for some time every day if you like.

A: Doctor, you don't understand.

B: I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for exercise. If you don't, yo u will get fat and probably have a heart attack when you're older.

A: But I am a postwoman, and I …

B: Oh!

英语幽默笑话带翻译新精编版

英语幽默笑话带翻译新 GE GROUP system office room 【GEIHUA16H-GEIHUA GEIHUA8Q8-

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译

短篇英语笑话10则带翻译 ①Goldfish金鱼 Stan: I won 92 goldfish. Fred: Where are you going to keep them? Stan: In the bathroom 。 Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我赢了92 条金鱼。弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？斯丹：浴室。弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！ ②The Revenge 欺骗的代价 Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说：“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。” 妻子说：“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。” 约翰逊：“但我希望你这么做。” 妻子：“为什么？” 约翰逊：“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。” ③I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一只鸡 Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病医师：你哪里不舒服？病人：我认为我是一只鸡。精神病医师：这种情况从什么时候开始的？病人：从我还是一只蛋的时候开始。 ④How do I get the gum out我怎么把口香糖取出来 Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 当空中小姐给乘客们发口香糖的时候，她解释说口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，一位乘客跑到这位空中小姐面前，说道：“ 我马上就要见到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢？”

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译

英语幽默笑话故事带翻译篇一：英语短文笑话(带翻译) 1、How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" 中文翻译 "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！" 2 A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" 丈夫给妻子看了一项调查结果，为了向她证明女人比男人啰嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000个字，而女人每天使用30000个。妻子想了一会儿说，女人每天说的字数是男人的两倍，因为她们必须重复已经说过的话。他问："什么？" 3 Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：这个座位是空的么？女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 4、 "Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying." "Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any." "But has he finished his own cake?" "Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that." "汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。" "没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。" "他已经吃完自己的了么？" "是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

英语幽默小短文加翻译-20个英语笑话爆笑超短

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英语幽默笑话带翻译文件编码（TTU-UITID-GGBKT-POIU-WUUI-0089）

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反正我太太明天会来换的
My Wife Will Exchange Them
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference  ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded. ″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow t o exchange them.″ 反正我太太明天会来换的一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。 “您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。

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英语小笑话带翻译版，六个关于英语的小笑话希望您笑，笑一笑十年少！ 1 那就更糟了Much Worse Much Worse Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 中文：警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。 2林肯过生日Great Event Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。 3 Talking clock 会说话的钟 While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!" 一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！” 4、The Mean Man's Party 吝啬鬼的聚会 The notorious cheap skate finally dec ided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "Y ou're not coming empty-handed, are you?"短信笑话https://www.wendangku.net/doc/9c15256183.html, 一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”

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