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The Unsung Heroes: What About Working Dads?

On our first ―date‖ after our twin daughters were born, my husband and I went to see the movie Toy Story. We enjoyed it, but afterward my husband asked, ―Where was the dad?‖ At first, it seemed petty to criticize an entertaining family movie because of one small point. The more I thought about it, however, the more glaring明显an omission忽略it seemed. Not only was dad not around, he wasn’t even mentioned —despite the fact that there was a baby in the family, so dad couldn't't have been that long gone. It was as if the presence出席到场仪表仪态— or absence — of a father is a minor 较少detail,not even requiring an explanation.

This is only one example of the media trend toward marginalizing 处于社会边缘的fathers, which mirrors enormous social changes in the United States. David Blankenhorn, in his book Fatherless America, refers to提到,涉及关于,引用this trend as the ―unnecessary father‖ concept.

We are bombarded炮轰by stories about the struggles of working mothers (as 相对于opposed to non-working mothers, I suppose). Meanwhile

high proportion of media stories about fathers focus on abusive husbands or deadbeat dads. It seems that the only time fathers merit attention is when they are criticized for not helping enough with the housework (a claim that I find dubious半信半疑,不可靠anyway,

because the definition定义,清晰度,轮廓of ―housework‖ rarely includes cleaning the gutters, changing the oil in the car or other jobs typically done by men) or when they die. When Mr. Blankenhorn surveyed fathers about the meaning of the term ―good family man,‖ many responded that it was a phrase they only heard at funerals One exception例外的例子to the ―unnecessary father‖ syndrome 症状is the glowing media attention that at-home dads have received.

I do not mean to 对。。。来说很重要,意味着imply that at-home dads do not deserve值得support for making this commitment. I only mean to point out the double standard at work when at-home dads

are applauded值得鼓掌称赞的while at-home mothers and breadwinner fathers are given little, if any, cultural recognition.

The very language we use to discuss men’s roles (i.e., deadbeat dads) shows a lack of appreciation for the majority of men who quietly yet proudly fulfill their family responsibilities. We almost never hear the term ―working father,‖ and it is rare that calls for more workplace flexibility are considered to be for men as much as for women. Our society acts as if family obligations are not as important to fathers as they are to mothers — as if career satisfaction满意,补偿is what a man's life is all about.

Even more insulting is the recent media trend of regarding at-home wives as ―status symbols‖ — like an expensive car — flaunted by the supposedly few men who can afford such a luxury. The

implication is that men with at-home wives have it easier than those whose wives work outside the home because they have the ―luxury‖ of a full-time housekeeper管家. In reality, however, the men who are the sole wage earners for their families suffer a lot of stresses. The loss of a job — or even the threat of that happening — is obviously much more difficult when that job is the sole source of income for a family. By the same token, sole wage earners have less flexibility when it comes to leaving unsatisfying careers because of the loss of income such a job change entails成为一种需要. In addition, many husbands work overtime or second jobs to make more needed money for their families. For these men, it is the family that the job supports that makes it all worthwhile. It is the belief that having a mother at home is important to the children, which makes so many men gladly take on承担,雇佣the burden of being a sole wage earner.

Today, there is widespread agreement among researchers that the absence of fathers from households causes serious problems for children and, consequently, for society at large总的来说. Yet, rather than holding up支持支撑―ordinary‖ father s as positive role models for the dads of tomorrow, too often society has throw up放弃,上抛its hands and decided that traditional fatherhood is at best 充其量最多obsolete废弃不用的and at worst d最坏的情况angerously reactionary. This has left many men questioning质疑the value of their role as fathers.

As a society, we need to realize that fathers are just as important to children as mothers are —not only for financial support, but for emotional support, education and discipline as

well. It is not enough for us merely to recognize that fatherlessness is a problem —to stand beside the grave and mourn the loss of the ―good family man‖ and then try to find someone to replace him (ask anyone who has lost a father though death if that is possible). We must acknowledge how we have devalued降低贬值fatherhood and work to show men how necessary, how important they are in their children’s lives.

Those fathers who strive to be good family men by being there every day to love and support their families — those unsung未被。。。heroes — need our recognition and our thanks for all they do. Because they deserve it.

2Why Digital Culture Is Good for You?

The news media, along with伴随着social and behavioral scientists, have recently sent out a multitude of大量的warnings about the many dangers that await us out there in cyberspace. The truth of the matter is that the Web is no more inherently原本固有的dangerous than anything else in the world. It is not some amorphous 非固定的entity 实体capable of inflicting强加给。使。。。承受harmful outcomes on all who enter. In fact, in and of itself, the Web is fairly

harmless无害的. It has no special power to overtake its users and alter their very existence Like the old tale that the vampire can not harm you unless you invite it to cross your threshold门槛, the Internet cannot corrupt腐化without如果没有being invited. And, with the exception of children and the weak-willed, it cannot create what does not already exist.

(1) Like alcohol, the Web simply magnifies what is already there: Experts are concerned that the masking that goes on online poses a danger for everyone who is a part of the Digital Culture. Before we know it, the experts tell us, we will all use fake identities, become fragmented碎片,片段, and will no longer be sure of just who we are. Wrong.

The only people who feel compelled to mask, and otherwise misrepresent误传themselves online are the same people who are mysterious and unfrank不坦率的in ―real life‖...the Net just gives them one more tool to practice their deceit欺诈,诡计.

As for至于the rest of us, getting taken in by these people is a low probability可能性. We know who these folks家属父母人们are in the ―real world‖. The Internet does not ―cause‖ people to disguise伪装as something they are not. As for the Digital Culture getting cheated by these dishonest folks, well, there are just as many ―cues‖ online to decipher破译deception欺诈as there are in the ―real world‖. The competent有能力的胜任的WebHea can recognize many red flags

given off by the online behavior of others. Oftentimes the intentions of fellow users is crystal 清楚的clear, especially over time.

When someone is trying to deceive us online, inconsistencies, the essence 实质本质that they are trying ―too hard‖ or are just plain unbelievable, often come through loud and clear. Likewise同样的, just like in the ―real world‖, a host of other unacceptable tendencies can be readily recognized online. Narcissism (it’s all about ―meeeee‖), those people who have nothing but negativity or unpleasant things to say about others, and those who feel compelled to undermine 消弱侵蚀基础others and who think they must blow out吹灭the other guys’ candles in order for their own to shine can be spotted a cybermile away.

(2) The Web can bring out the best in people: Gregarious,合群的爱交际的frank folks in ―real life‖ usually carry these same traits特点特征over to their online life. Most are just as fun-loving online if not more so, as they are at a party, at work, or at the local bar. Though admittedly, some are not quite as much fun to be around without a stiff drink. Shy folks have a ―safer‖ environment online than in the ―real world‖ and can learn to express themselves more freely on the Net (you’ve never seen anyone stutter on e-mail, have you?) allowing them to gain confidence and communication skills that can eventually spill over溢出到into other aspects of their lives. Helpful people in ―real life‖ are often just as willing to come to someone’s assistance

online as anywhere else.

(3) People are judged differently on the Web: On the Internet people are judged by their personality, beliefs and online actions, NOT by their physical appearance. This is good. It not only gives ugly folks an aid, but causes Beautiful People to have to say something worth listening to in order to get attention.

(4) People open up more: Many people are opening up a whole lot more these days since they are not required to use their real name and provide their real identity in the Internet.

(5) We’re connected: Members of the Digital Culture know full well that there is a wealth of important information and life-changing opportunities out there in cyberspace. The Web has opened doors for many of us that otherwise否则would never have been an option. Research possibilities and networking are just two such opportunities.

(6) We Learn the Power of Words and to be Better Listeners: With no facial expressions, body language, or physical appearance to distract分心分散us, members of the Digital Culture have learned the power of words ... both their own, and others’. We know very well how a simple string of words can harm, hurt and offend, or how they can offer humor, help, support and encouragement. Most experienced members of the online culture have learned to become wordsmiths, carefully crafting行业职业,诡计手腕,船飞机,the words they use to convey exactly what they mean so as not to为了不被be


Many of us have also learned to become far better listeners thanks to the Internet. Not only do we choose our words more carefully but we (especially those who communicate via email as opposed to chat rooms) are forced to wait until the other person finishes before we can speak or respond.

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3.10 Big Myths About Copyright

1)―If it doesn’t have a copyright notice注意,评论,通知布告,, it’s not copyrighted.‖ This was true in the past, but today almost all major nations follow the Berne1 copyright convention惯例,协议. For example, in the USA, almost everything created privately and originally after April 1, 1989 is copyrighted and protected whether it has a notice or not. The default you should assume假设,承担,采取for other people’s wo rks is that they are copyrighted and may not be copied unless you know otherwise. There are some old works that lost protection without notice, but frankly you should not risk it unless you know for sure.

2) ―If I don’t charge for要价,收费it, it’s not a violation.‖ False. Whether you charge can affect the damages awarded in court, but that’s the main difference under the law. It’s still a violation if you give it away –and there can still be serious damages if you hurt the

commercial value of the property. There is an exception for personal copying of music, which is not a violation, though courts seem to have said that doesn’t include wide-scale anonymous匿名的personal copying as Napster. If the work has no commercial value, the violation is mostly technical and is unlikely to result in legal action.

3) ―If it’s posted有地位的,消息灵通的to Usenet it’s in the public domain.‖ False. Nothing modern is in the public do main领域,产业anymore unless the owner explicitly明白的,明确的puts it in the public domain. Explicitly, as you have a note注意,记录,纸币,评注,笔记from the author/owner saying, ―I grant this to the public domain.‖

4) ―My posting任命委派was just fair use!‖ The ―fair use‖ exemption to (U.S.) copyright law was created to allow things such as commentary, parody滑稽的模仿, news reporting, research and education about copyrighted works without the permission of the author. That’s important so that copyright law doesn’t block your freedom to express your own works. Intent and damage to the commercial value of the work are important considerations. Are you reproducing an article from the New York Times because you couldn’t find time to write your own story, or explicitly puts it in the public domain. Explicitly, as you have a note from the author/owner saying, ―I grant this to the public domain.‖

4) ―My posting was just fair use!‖ The ―fair use‖ exemption to

(U.S.) copyright law was created to allow things such as commentary, parody, news reporting, research and education about copyrighted works without the permission of the author. That’s important so that copyright law doesn’t block your freedom to express your own works. Intent and damage to the commercial value of the work are important considerations. Are you reproducing an article from the New York Times because you couldn’t find time to write your own story, or didn’t want your readers to have to pay for the New York Times web site? They aren’t ―fair use‖. Fair use is usually a s hort excerpt.

5) ―If you don’t defend your copyright you lose it.‖ –―Somebody has that name copyrighted!‖ False. Copyright is effectively never lost these days, unless explicitly given away赠送颁发想,泄露. You also can’t ―copyright a name‖ or anything shor t like that, such as almost all titles. You may be thinking of trademarks, which apply to names, and can be weakened or lost if not defended. Like an ―Apple‖ computer. Apple Computer ―owns‖ that word applied to computers, even though it is also an ordinary word. Apple Records owns it when applied to music. Neither owns the word on its own, only in context, and owning a mark doesn’t mean complete control

6) ―If I make up my own stories, but base them on another work, my new work belongs to me.‖ False. U.S. Copyright law is quite explicit that the making of what are called ―derivative works‖ —

works based on or derived from another copyrighted work —is the exclusive province of the owner of the original work. This is true even though the making of these new works is a highly creative process. If you write a story using settings or characters from somebody else’s work, you need that author’s permission.

7) ―They can’t get me, defendants in court have powerful rights!‖ Copyright law is mostly civil law. I f you violate copyright you would not be charged with a crime, but usually get sued.

8) ―Oh, so copyright violation isn’t a crime or anything?‖ Actually, recently in the USA commercial copyright violation involving more than 10 copies and value over $2500 was made a felony. So watch out. On the other hand, this is a fairly new, untested statute. In one case an operator of a pirate BBS that didn’t charge was acquitted because he didn’t charge, but congress amended the law to cover that.

9) ―It doesn’t hurt anybody —in fact it’s free advertising.‖ It’s up to the owners to decide if they want the free ads or not. If they want them, they will be sure to contact you. Don’t rationalize whether it hurts the owners or not, ask them. Usually that’s not too har d to do. Even if you can’t think of how the author or owner gets hurt, think about the fact that piracy on the net hurts everybody who wants a chance to use this wonderful new technology to do more than read other people’s flamewars.

10) ―They e-mail ed me a copy, so I can post it.‖ To have a copy is

not to have the copyright. All the E-mail you write is copyrighted. However, E-mail is not unless previously agreed. So you can certainly report on what E-mail you are sent, and reveal what it says. You can even quote parts of it to demonstrate. Frankly, somebody who sues over an ordinary message would almost surely get no damages, because the message has no commercial value, but if you want to stay strictly in the law, you should ask first. On the other ha nd, don’t go nuts if somebody posts E-mail you sent them. If it was an ordinary non-secret personal letter of minimal commercial value with no copyright notice (like 99.9% of all E-mail), you probably won’t get any damages if you sue起诉them.

5The Moral Advantage

How to succeed in business by doing the right thing As for the moral advantage in business, of all places, everyone knows a modicum of 少量的ethics伦理学,道德规范is called for需要要求in any business —you can’t cheat your customers forever and get away with it. But wouldn't it be more advantageous if you actually could get away with it? Profits would soar猛增out of sight看不见的! Then you would really have an advantage, or so the thinking might go.

The notion of seeking the moral advantage is a new way of thinking about ethics and virtue 美德in business, an approach that

does not accept the need for trade-offs公平交易,权衡between ambition and conscience. Far from obstructing the drive for success, a sense of moral purpose can help individuals and companies achieve at the highest — and most profitable — levels.

Cynicism dominates our attitudes about what it takes to succeed in business. A common way of thinking about morality in business goes something like this:

Ethical conduct is an unpleasant medicine that society forces down business people's throats to protect the public interest from business avarice贪婪.

Morality gets in the way of the cold, hard actions truly ambitious people must take to reach their goals.

Moneymaking is inevitably tainted污染by greed, deceit, and exploitation.

The quest for profits stands in opposition to everything that is moral, fair, decent, and charitable.

Skepticism怀疑about moneymaking goes back a long way. The Bible warns that it's harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heav en than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. ―Behind every great fortune,‖ wrote French novelist Honoré de Balzac1 in the 1800s, ―lies a great crime.‖ British author G. K. Chesterton sounded the same theme in the early 20th century, noting that a businessman ―is the only man who is forever apologizing for his occupation.工作职


The contemporary media often characterize business as nothing more than a self-serving exercise in greed, carried out in as corrupt and ruthless a manner as possible. In television and movies, moneymaking in business is tainted by avarice, exploitation, or downright villainy. The unflattering portrayals have become even more pointed over time. In 1969, the businessman in Philip Roth's Goodbye, Columbus advises the st ory’s protagonist, ―To get by in business, you’ve got to be a bit of a thief.‖ He seems like a benignly wise, paternal figure compared with Wall Street's 1980s icon, Gordon Gekko4, whose immortal words were ―Greed is good.‖

Yet some important observers of business see things differently. Widely read gurus such as Stephen Covey5 and Tom Peters5 point to the practical utility of moral virtues such as compassion, responsibility, fairness, and honesty. They suggest that virtue is an essential ingredient in the recipe for success, and that moral standards are not merely commendable choices but necessary components of a thriving business career. This is a frequent theme in commencement addresses and other personal testimonials: Virtuous behavior advances a career in the long run by building trust and reputation, whereas ethical shortcomings eventually derail出轨careers. The humorist Dorothy Parker captured this idea in one of her signature quips: ―Time wounds all heels.‖

So who's right —those who believe that morality and business are mutually exclusive高级奢华的,独家报道, or those who believe they reinforce one another? Do nice guys finish last, or are those who advocate doing well by doing good the real winners? Is the business world a den of thievery or a haven for upstanding citizens?

With colleagues Howard Gardner at Harvard University and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi at Claremont Graduate University, I’ve examined this question by interviewing 40 top business leaders, such as McDonald’s CEO Jack Greenberg and the late Was hington Post publisher Katharine Graham, between 1998 and 2000 as part of our joint ―Project on Good Work.‖ We found that a strong sense of moral purpose not only promotes a business career but also provides a telling advantage in the quest to build a thriving enterprise. In fact, a

sense of moral purpose stands at the center of all successful business innovations. Far from being a constraining限制的force that merely keeps people honest and out of trouble, morality creates a fertile丰富大量的source of business motivation, inspiration, and innovation.创造性

This is different from the view of morality you'll encounter in a typical business-ethics course. It's so different that I now speak about moralities, in the plural, when discussing the role of virtue and ethics in business. Morality in business has three distinc明显的与众不同的t faces, each playing its own special role in ensuring business success.