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Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what happens when they fight back?

By AMY C HUA

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

? attend a sleepover

? have a playdate

? be in a school play

? complain about not being in a school play

? watch TV or play computer games

? choose their own extracurricular activities

? get any grade less than an A

? not be the No. 1 student in every subj ect except gym and drama

? play any instrument other than the piano or violin

? not play the piano or violin.

I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.

All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.

Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.

Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me "garbage" in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.

As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the remaining guests.

The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say to their daughters, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for eating disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western father toast his adult daughter by calling her "beautiful and incredibly competent." She later told me that made her feel like garbage.)

Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that

they're not disappointed about how their kids turned out.

I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what they do.

I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and Western parental

mind-sets.

Chua family

Newborn Amy Chua in her mother's arms, a year after her parents arrived in the U.S.

First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.

For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will not call their child "stupid," "worthless" or "a disgrace." Privately, the Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's credentials.

If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.

Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the home.)

Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their kids, so it's the parents'

responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.

Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God help any Chinese kid who tried that one.

Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children. It's just an entirely different parenting model.

Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called "The Little White Donkey" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cute—you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its master—but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.

Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off. "Get back to the piano now," I ordered.

"You can't make me."

"Oh yes, I can."

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have "The Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu—which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her—and that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the technique—perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet—had I considered that possibility?

"You just don't believe in her," I accused.

"That's ridiculous," Jed said scornfully. "Of course I do."

"Sophia could play the piece when she was this age."

"But Lulu and Sophia are different people," Jed pointed out.

"Oh no, not this," I said, rolling my eyes. "Everyone is special in their special own way," I mimicked sarcastically. "Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."

I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.

Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like that.

Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.

"Mommy, look—it's easy!" After that, she wanted to play the piece over and over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed, and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed "The Little White Donkey" at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me and said, "What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so her."

Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't. There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true interests. For their part, many

Chinese secretly believe that they care more about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly. I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different idea of how to do that.

Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

第10章 矩量法讲解

第十章 矩量法 解析方法仅适用于结构简单的散射体。如果散射目标结构复杂,必须选用数值方法。数值方法是对所求解的微分方程或积分方程实施离散,采用一组基函数表示电场、磁场或感应电流等未知量,然后将电磁场微分方程或积分方程转换为一组线性代数方程,即可按照标准的数值程序求解这些线性方程组。数值方法的优点在于容易处理结构复杂的散射体,而且通常可以获得高精度解。随着高性能计算机的飞速发展,数值方法已经成为解决实际问题的日益重要的工具。现今已有多种数值方法,各具特色,分别适用于求解不同的电磁问题。典型的数值方法是矩量法(MoM )、时域有限差分法(FDTD )和有限元法(FEM )等。本章讨论矩量法,后两章将分别介绍时域有限差分法和有限元法。 矩量法是求解算子方程的有效方法,这些算子通常是微分算子、积分算子或者是两者的组合。20世纪60年代, R. F. Harrington 首先将矩量法用于电磁问题的求解[1]。目前已经广泛地用于天线分析、微波器件的设计以及复杂目标的雷达散射截面(RCS )的计算。通常认为矩量法是精度最高的数值方法,因此引起更多的关注。如今很多商用软件的开发都基于矩量法。但是,矩量法需要求解稠密的矩阵方程。对于电大尺寸的散射体,它将十分消耗大量机时及内存。为了解决这个问题,人们作了很多努力,研发快速计算和有效的存储方法。因此发展了很多有关积分方程的快速求解算法,大力推动了矩量法的应用。 10-1一般步骤 典型的算子方程可以表示为下列形式 h Lf = (10-1-1) 式中L 为线性算子,可以是微分、积分或两者组合,h 为一个已知函数,f 为待求的未知函数。这些函数可以是矢量或标量,且定义域可为一维、二维或三维空间。因此,在电磁学中它们可以是空间及时间函数。矩量法的一般步骤是,首先将未知函数表示为一组基函数的线性组合,然后匹配算子方程,最后由离散的线性方程组求出展开系数。下面详述矩量法的具体步骤。 首先令N f f f ,,,21 为一组基函数,那么,未知函数)(x f 可以近似表示为 ∑==+++≈N n n n N N x f a x f a x f a x f a x f 1 2211)()()()()( (10-1-2) 式中),,3,2,1(N n a n =为展开系数,它们是未知的。如果N 足够大,上述表示式将非常精确。将上式代入式(10-1-1),得 )()(1 x h x Lf a N n n n ≈∑= (10-1-3) 下一步是选择一组权函数,N w w w ,,,21 ,以每个权函数与上式各项逐一相乘,并且在未知函数的定义域内求积,建立一组未知系数为n a 的线性代数方程。该组方程可以表示为 1 , 1,2,3,,N mn n m n Z a b m N ===∑ (10-1-4) 该方程组的系数及右边项分别为 ?=x Lf x w Z n m mn d )( (10-1-5) ?=x x h x w b m m d )()( (10-1-6) 求出未知系数后,即可近似地决定未知函数,并由此求得其它场量。 上面简述了矩量法的求解过程,现在需要讨论几个问题。 首先是基函数的选择。对于基函数的两个基本要求是完备性和正交性。完备性是指选择的基函数可以精确地表示任何未知函数,且其精度随着基函数的数目增加而提高。正交性可以放宽为线性独立,即要求一组基函数中任何两个必须是线性独立的。众所周知,一组线性独立函数总可以应用所谓Gram-Smit 方法使其正交化。此外,表示式的有效性通常也是选择基函数的重要判椐。

科学美国人的中文翻译

2012年1月4日星期三 雌激素是新的“利他林”吗? ——性激素能让一部分女性思维敏捷,却也让一部分迟钝 大考即将来临?无法集中注意力?尝试一点雌激素吧。 加州大学伯克利分校的神经系统科学家在最近的一项研究中报道称,女性生理周期中的荷尔蒙波动可能会如咖啡因、甲基苯丙胺或最常见的兴奋剂利他林一样影响其大脑。 近年来的研究表明,工作记忆(短期信息处理能力)是依赖于化学物质多巴胺的。事实上,像利他林这样的药物可以模仿多巴胺帮助人们集中注意力。在老鼠身上的研究显示,雌激素似乎可以诱发多巴胺的释放。但是伯克利这次的新研究是首次把认识能力和人的雌激素水平联系起来,这也就解释了为什么有些女性会在她们生理周期的不同时间点有着或好或坏的认识能力。 这只研究团队对24名健康女性进行了检测。通过基因测试,她们中有些天然多巴胺水平高,而有些天然低。不出所料,多巴胺水平低的女性对于处理复杂的工作记忆问题有困难,比如将一串五个数字反着背出来。但当测试在排卵期中进行,雌激素水平最高时(一般是月经期的10~12天后)这些女性的表现显著改善,有大约10%的进步。令人惊讶的是,多巴胺水平天然高的女性处理复杂问题的能力,却在排卵期中雌激素水平最高的时候有很明显的下降。 根据组织此次研究的Ph.D Emily Jacobs说,脑中的多巴胺是“classic Goldilacks scenario”。对于多巴胺水平最低的25%女性来说,在月经期多巴胺水平的增加会增强她们的认识能力,而对于多巴胺水平最高的25%女性来说,月经期多巴胺水平的增加可能会使她们的多巴胺水平超过一个上限,从而减弱她们的认识能力。而剩下的50%女性都处在这两类女性水平之间,不在研究的范围内。 这项研究有着重大的意义。Jacob说,像咖啡因、利他林这种诱发多巴胺释放的药物对于特定时期的女性是无效,甚至是损害性的。而且,她还希望提醒科学家们注意,在研究脑部疾病时,男女大脑虽然天赋相同但是并不完全一样。 Jacob说,这之间有很大区别,只有我们能知道他们在正常状态下的区别,我们才能预测他们在疾病状态下的区别。 毁约——脑扫描揭示誓言什么时候会不被遵守 新郎说“我愿意”而又和别人有一腿的时候,他脑中发生了什么?朋友承诺还钱却一直不还,他的脑中又发生了什么?一项最新研究显示,毁约是一项很复杂的神经生物学事件。而且脑扫描可以在毁约发生前预测出谁将要毁约。 瑞士苏黎世大学的科学家运用核磁共振技术把大脑比喻成了一场投资游戏。投资者必须决定是否承诺与受托者分享利益。如果投资,会使得账户中的资金增加,但如果受托者选择不分享,结果也会是投资者受损失。几乎所有投资者都说会把钱给受托者,但最后并不会所有人都守约。 通过核磁共振的扫描,研究者可以在他们有机会毁约前预测出他们会不会毁约。毁约者脑部的一些区域的活动会更加活跃,包括分管在压抑诚实回应时自我控制的前额皮质层,和标志

科学翻译

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对翻译的科学性和艺术性的思考

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