(完整word版)(上海中考)初三英语作文范文点评

世外初三英语范文点评

优秀习作1 上海市世界外国语中学吴思怡

作文题目

“Sow a habit, reap a destiny.”What do you think of habits? What can our habits bring us? Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “H abits”.

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Good habits are foundations on our way to success, while bad ones get in the way and hold us back. To begin with, good habits help us work more efficiently. If we get into the habit of tidying up our rooms, we will find it easy to obtain the things we need. Moreover, good habits leave others positive impressions. Showing our warm smiles is a habit which enables us to get along with our classmates and teachers well. On the other hand, bad habits can be destructive. Lots of people develop lung cancer just because of their habits of smoking. As you can see, habits really make a difference in our lives.

作文评析

本文开门见山陈述观点，说理清晰。能运用举例对比等手法使本文观点更具说服力，如通过整理房间、微笑和吸烟三个习惯的后果正反两方举例，体现出小作者思维的宽度和缜密度。

从语言驾驭能力看，本文句式丰富，语言流畅，既善于活用考纲词组如“get into the habit of”，又有如“leave others positive impressions”等地道的表达，既有较复杂的主从复合句，又有短小有力的简单句，错落有致，一气呵成。

朱萍

作文题目

Your class would like to make time boxes for people in 2040. You start collecting things today and put them in the boxes. The people in 2040 will be able to compare their life with life now. You also need to write a letter to the people in 2040 introducing one thing in the box. 【Oxford 9B Unit 2 Writing】

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To the people of 2040,

In the box you can find an energy-saving lightbulb. They all come from 2014. By holding the little bulb in your hand, you can sense its smooth, transparent glass-made shell, which is of oval shape. Inside the shell, some metal-made wires tangle with each other in a regular order. This is used to enable electricity to pass through the whole bulb to provide energy. Attach the bulb to a base and then turn on the switch, you’ll find the little bulb lighting up the dark room. Another characteristic of it is that it saves more energy than other kinds of bulbs. So this lightbulb is “green”.

We hope this will give you some information about life in 2014.

Yours faithfully,

Angel 作文评析

此篇作文题来自牛津9B第二单元课后Writing练习，它的内容是向未来2040年的人们写一封信，介绍一件我们这个时代所用的物品。作文题材是学生平时不常操练的说明文。

本文作者选取了节能灯泡作为对象。在描述过程中，她首先对灯泡的外形进行了细致的描写，从光滑、椭圆型的玻璃外壳，到内部互相缠绕在一起的金属丝。继而写到当电流通过，灯泡会照亮房屋的功能。最后还不忘介绍此种灯泡的特殊之处在于比起其它灯泡，它“节能环保”的特点。

全文脉络清晰，描写细腻、形象、生动，句式丰富，语言流畅，衔接自然，结构紧凑。充分体现了作者的语言表达能力，是一篇很好的说明文范例。

包琪瑞

作文题目

Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “The thing that made me angry”.

( 以“让我生气的事”为题写一篇不少于60个词的短文，标点符号不占格。) Use the following points as a guide:

●What made you angry?

●Describe the thing that made you angry in detail.

●How did you deal with the situation?

(注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、班级及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。) 优秀习作

There are few things in life more annoying than being laughed at. When I failed to solve the question on the blackboard and just stood in front of it without saying a word, I could hear those annoying whispers. This really made a perfectionist like me get angry. But I couldn’t let the anger get me out of control. Instead, I chose to ignore those ironic words and focus on the question. In addition, I decided to work harder after school to get myself improved. Due to all the changes I made, I believe I can avoid being laughed at in the future.

作文评析

全文结构清晰，层次分明，衔接流畅。本文从内容来看观点新颖、构思巧妙，以”being laughed at”被动语态的结构体现作者内心的不情愿，紧扣题目中的angry。作者侧重对于第二个问题的回答，以生动、细腻的文笔描写了站在黑板前的心理活动，让人读来有生临其境之感。而在结尾，作者不忘传播一丝正能量，驱赶了这个作文题可能带来的负面情绪。本文的内涵和语言都反映出作者的语言驾驭能力，以开头”There are few things … more … than …”来看，作者有丰富的语言积淀和极强的语言运用能力，因而全篇行文流畅，句式丰富，用词精准。本文值得初三学生学习借鉴。

李婧

作文题目

Write a passage of at least 60 words on the topic “I like reading ________ (detective stories, newspaper, magazines, comic strips, etc.) best.”

Use the following points as a guide:

●What do you like reading best?

●Why do you like reading them best?

●How do they influence your life?

(注意：短文中不得出现考生的姓名、班级及其他相关信息，否则不予评分。) 优秀习作

Magazines, as one form of ways to wisdom, are my favorite. Magazines combine the advantages of all forms of books. They have the diversity of information and at the same time, hold deep thoughts. There is rarely a thing that you can’t find in magazines. Reading magazines has provided me with the opportunity to broaden my horizon, gain knowledge and meanwhile, relax. Since they are more portable than others, you can roll them up and take them with you. In brief, reading magazines has brought laughter and knowledge to my life. I like reading magazines best.

作文评析

该篇文章开宗明义，点名文章意图。从内容上看，从杂志包罗万象，开拓读者视野；到杂志放松读者心情；再谈到杂志携带方便可以随时取阅等优点，清晰详实地表达出了作者的观点。文章结尾再次点题，全文简短却简练，切题又精炼。从语言而言，作者具有较强的语言功底，能够熟练运用多样的句式和词组，如meanwhile, since, in brief, provide with等，使文章更富有变化和可读性。语句之间衔接通畅，用词准确自然。词汇量丰富，如wisdom, diversity, opportunity, laughter等。如果文章能在三点优点前用明显的词汇加以区分，如first, furthermore, what’s more等，能使其更加一目了然。

贲方

作文题目

Someone says, “Sow an action, reap a habit; Sow a habit, reap a destiny.” What’s your opinion on this? Please write an article of 60-80 words on the topic “Habits”.

有人说：“播种行为，收获习惯；播种习惯，收获命运。”对这种说法你怎么看？请以“习惯”为题写一篇60-80字的作文，谈谈你的观点。

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Habits

No one can deny that habits play an important role in our life. Everyone should have good habits and break their bad habits as well. In my opinion, habits can change your living style or standard. For instance, if you are an efficient person, you certainly won’t stay up late. This is a good habit that leads to a healthy life. Obviously, little habits undoubtedly change our life and even our destiny.

作文评析

本文语言简练流畅，表达自然。句型句式较多样灵活。

本文开门见山地给出观点: 习惯在我们日常生活中占据着非常重要的位置。

我们应该养成好习惯改掉坏习惯。之后给出习惯何以重要的理由，并且以举

例子的形式来辅助强调好习惯养成的重要性。最后一句总结首尾呼应，再次

点题，全文虽短，却流畅通顺，一气呵成。

何怡文

作文题目

John’s friend, Dick, has mixed feelings before studying abroad. He is worried that his English is not good enough and he is too shy to talk with strangers. Also he doesn’t want to leave his friends. Write him an email in at least 60 words to give him some suggestions.

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Thank you for telling me your problem. Firstly, you should be more outgoing and confident. Learning a foreign language requires you to speak a lot to others. Since you’ll study abroad soon, it’ll be a great opportunity to improve your English. Remember not to be shy. Maybe you can watch some American TV series. That might help you know how people communicate in their daily life. Then you’ll find the confidence in communicating with strangers. Secondly, if you miss your friends here, you can call them and email them as well. The Internet makes it easy to communicate with people in different countries. Thirdly, you should try to be a brave boy. Life is always filled with ups and downs, but you should face all the obstacles bravely. No cross, no crown. I wish you no longer worry about your life there after reading my letter.

作文评析

这是一篇有篇幅限制和内容要求的考试作文。它很好地做到了结构整齐，条理清晰的要求。开头直入主题。主体部分以“firstly，secondly，thirdly”这些词汇清晰地亮出三点建议，并且使前后连贯。每一点建议都因为有总起句的概括，以及进一步阐述说明的支撑，而显得层次分明，内容充实而有说服力。语言方面，行文简凝流畅，词汇恰当丰富，句型准确多变，虽然未见很多课外词汇或有难度句型，但是小作者很好地做到了活学活用，这是我们应该推崇的学习意识和习惯。从文章结尾处的句子“Life is always filled with ups and downs, but you should face all the obstacles bravely. No cross, no crown.”，可以看出小作者平时注重了阅读和积累。

张樱