雅思作文点评之老龄化快速增长的优缺点
雅思作文点评之老龄化快速增长的优缺点
In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?
Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)
点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)
美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。
Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)
Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)
Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)
正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，这里我想提的是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。
其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!
From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)
全文总评：
尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。
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雅思大作文开头段高分模板
雅思大作文开头段高分模板 雅思写作要多积累多写，不要一味的依靠模板，对模版和资料灵活运用。出guo雅思栏目为大家带来“雅思大作文开头段高分模板”，希望大家能有所收获! 正所谓好的开始是成功的一半，雅思大作文的写作也一次次验证了这个道理。很多同学往往不重视雅思大作文开头段的写作，只是简单套用一些现成的模板，殊不知这样已经给考官留下“背诵模板”的印象，这样一来，不仅给后面的主体段带来了巨大压力，而且人的第一印象往往是很难改变的。今天，我就和大家分享一点儿我在雅思VIP课堂上讲授的怎样巧妙突破雅思大作文开头段写作模板的实用技巧，力争让雅思考官眼前一亮。 大作文开头段往往要包含如下几个关键内容，即，介绍背景，引出有争议的话题，阐述对立观点和陈述作者自己的观点。无论使用还是不使用模板，这几个关键信息是一定要包含在开头段落当中的，不然云里雾里，只能是适得其反。 根据这些信息，备战过的小烤鸭们一定都熟悉下面这一套开头写作流程，首先It is quite mon these days.。。介绍背景，或者用The issue of ... is a plex and sensitive one。这样的句型来引出有争议话题，然后千篇一律地分别介绍对立双方观点，如
Some individuals believe that..., while others hold the view that.。。最终用Personally, I agree with.。。至此，内 容上完美无瑕，但恐怕考官心中已经大大打下“模板”两个字的烙印，这无疑对于想取得6分及以上的同学最不利的事情。 有很多独属于学生自己的、超越市面上普通模板的大作文开头段，现在，我们仅以两份雅思范文为例，抛砖引玉，为大家讲解到底应该怎样突破大作文开头段模板。 例如，一道雅思写作高频题目，讨论到底大学应该教授实用性课程(如计算机和商科课程)还是传统课程(如历史和地理)。我们依然按照开头段应该包含的关键信息开始写作，但是却可以这样轻松突破：These day there is a growing tendency for college students to have difficulties in finding jobs when they graduate。(介绍背景)A large number of people hold the opinion that lack of practical knowledge, among other things, contributes to this situation. In light of this, they contend that college teachers should lay more stress on practical courses than on traditional ones. (引出有争议的话题，并阐述大多数人的观点)For my part, I am in favour of their viewpoint。(作者观点)这一段写得非常灵巧，第一句结合题目背景，介绍现如今有一种趋势，即大学毕业生很难找到工作，紧